Bejeweled and Bedazzled

I’m not a big jewelry gal. Never have been. In fact, the only thing I consistently wear, is my thin gold wedding band. I never take that off.

Well.

Except when I’m so pregnancy-swollen that rings no longer fit on my fat fingers, and I can no longer stuff my Cinderella stepsister type feet into a pair of slippers. Glass or fuzzy.

On those occasions I sport a larger wedding band that I found in my mother’s jewelry box after she died. I have no idea who it belonged to. I know for certain it isn’t my dad’s band. My mom was a well known pack rat. I also found, in the same jewelry box, an envelope with some gold teeth fillings. One even had the tooth still attached. Shudder. So, there’s really no telling….

I felt it important to wear the unknown band because I certainly wouldn’t have wanted some hapless desperate fellow to think I wasn’t married. And attempt to hit on me. In my huge and swollen state.

Ahem.

My lack of jewelry wearing drives my daughters crazy. They sift through my bright costume jewels (most of which belonged to my mother) and can’t understand why I don’t bejewel myself in them everyday.

Mostly, I tell them, it is because I don’t want to give Jensen a fulcrum to use when he wrestles me to the ground. Hoop earrings have never been an option here in the House of Fiddle.

My mother wore oversized jewelry with a flourish. She would hang a large bear claw turquoise necklace around her neck for everyday fashion. As in, a trip to Safeway. She was well known for her jewelry. It was larger than life. Just like she was. And yet, she never looked garish. She could pull it off. She had the height and the right bone structure. And southern charm.

Not me. I was what my grandmother called “pee-kid.” I’d call it petite, but, you won’t find me shopping in the “petite” section of Wal Mart. I don’t feel petite. Short, yes. Petite, no.

On Mother’s Day this year, my girls took matters into their own hands. On the Saturday prior, Fiddledaddy called me on the cell. I was selling some used curriculum at the aptly titled Used Curriculum Sale. Mostly, I was just enjoying the sitting, not having to wipe anyone’s bottom, and having fun adult-like conversation with other homeschooling moms.

The making of a little mad money was just gravy.

So, Fiddledaddy began the conversation with, “What size ring do you wear?”

Me: “I have no idea. Why?”

FD: “We’re in the car, on the way to the store. The girls want to get you a little something.”

Me: “Well, the only thing they can afford would be adjustable, so the ring size shouldn’t matter.”

FD: “Just guess.”

Me: “Okay. I think a size 7. But, that could be my underwear size, so I’m really not sure.”

Click.

When I arrived home, they couldn’t wait another minute, and my girls presented me with a most grand present. Two of them, actually. TWO VERY LARGE FAUX-DIAMOND ENCRUSTED 240 CARAT RINGS.

And they fit.

I have to wear them one at a time, though, because otherwise, I walk a bit lopsided. The ring wearing arm is considerably longer than the other, as my knuckle drags along the ground.

Also, I have to remember not to leave them lying around, as Jensen picked one up and lobbed it across the room. Striking me in the head. Nearly rendering me senseless.

Really, they are lovely to behold. And if you look closely at my craggy wrinkly dishpan hands, it’s awfully hard to understand why I’m not a much sought after hand model.

My girls encourage me to wear them EVERYWHERE. Indeed,I do. My daughters tell me that they make me look majestic.

And who am I to argue with logic like that.

And a gift like this, is practical too. Should anyone attempt to mug me, the poor fool will have a 240 carat diamond encrusted welt in the middle of his forehead for identification purposes.

Never again will I feel “underdressed” at Wal Mart.

28 Responses to Bejeweled and Bedazzled

  • I think they’re amazing, darling. Absolutely.

    Put one of each hand and you stand a chance against Jensen 🙂

    Be afraid- very afraid. Your phone will be ringing this week.

    I’l get caller ID, but fast.

  • Yeah. It’ s almost 2am.

    Let’s try “I’d” get caller ID but fast.

    (Sortof ruins the effect, don’cha think)

  • Oh, my, aren’t those just wonderful!! Looks like your girls want you to dress it up a bit! I could totally see my kids getting me something like that if they had seen them!! How sweet!

    You know what? I’d probably make sure to wear one of them every day to the store or wherever, just to show them off for your girls’ benefit. And I’m thinking every other mom you meet will smile because she can completely relate!

  • BEYOOOTIFUL.

    Wowza.

    Lucky you! 🙂

  • BLING BLING BLING – you got it going on there Girl… BLING!

  • Lovely and beautiful.

    If I could bear to part with it, I’d send you the the “string of pearls” macaroni necklace that I actually wore to church. My jewelry box overfloweth with such treasures.

    I also have a variety of perfumes that decorate my bathroom vanity. One, I swear, is flowered cat urine.

  • the beauity of your daughters heart and how much they love you is so beauitful.
    love them. marina

  • P. Diddy would be overcome with jealousy at the sight of all that bling.

  • Now all you need is a “grill” for yo teeth! Word. Too adorable!

  • That’s so cute! It’s like you’re Tammy Faye!

    You know, I stopped wearing jewellery when the kids were really little. They used to pull on my earrings (which HURT!) so I gave up.

    Then, when they got older, I found that miracle of miracles my holes had not closed up.

    And for the last five years I’ve been collecting little pieces of jewellery. Nothing expensive, just cute. And now I actually have choice! Because jewellery doesn’t seem to go out of style. And if you buy three pieces a year for thirty years, suddenly you have ninety pieces! Think of how great you’ll look in that old age home!

    Even if you do take a few years off of wearing jewellery now.

    Visit To Love, Honor and Vacuum today!

  • Those are the rings you’ll pull out in 20 years that’ll make you tear up and sniffle remembering your babies picked them out all by themselves just for you. 🙂

  • Oh that it precious!!! I am laughing out loud at the difference in perspective from little-girlhood to mommyhood.

    They’re marvelous!

  • I’m 35 but look like I’m 15. Most would consider that a compliment. I don’t because when you look 15 and you’ve got 4 kids in tow, people just roll their eyes. You know what they’re thinking. Anyway…when I was prego–and larger–I got me a nice fake fat ring. I didn’t want the comments to be verbalized: “Psst. Do you see that girl? She’s already got 3, and she’s pregnant again. Can’t these teenagers control themselves?”

  • Put one on each hand and in your best mafia voice tell Jensen you’re gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse while waving your hand in front of his face. Wait! Maybe it will hypnotize him. 🙂

    Hope he’s doing better and that you’re on the road to recovery. And it is rather cute that your girls wanted you to have some bling.

  • DeeDee, as always I am laughing, but this post is also just too precious. Your baby girls love you so much, don’t they? And think how pleased they are when you wear your thoughtful gifts picked out just for you. This shows them how much they are loved too!

    Have a great week!

  • With rings like that, I believe you’re a rap star.

  • That is so precious. Have fun with them. I just received some “pieces” of jewelry that was my MIL (she passed away in November). A few strands of fake “pearls” and my granddaughter is having a blast playing with them.

  • Oh my. When I was in college my metal smithing professor would always go on about the wonderful women who bought and wore his HUGE jewelry. I always stated that it wouldn’t be me because I am small and could NOT get away with it. He didn’t agree but I still cannot carry off large jewelry and those rings are LARGE. I hope your kids don’t influence my kids.:)

  • That is so sweet. Gotta love that bling!

  • You look mah-vah-lous, dah-ling. Just mah-vah-lous!

  • This post had me laughing (as usual *grin*), but also gave me a chance to reminisce. I had an aunt that always wore large jewelry — and lots of it. And she always looked great! She had her ears each pierced several times, and always had earrings in each hole. (In contrast my mom, her sister, STILL does not have pierced ears at the age of 63. LOL) She was one of the sweetest, most genuine people I’ve ever known, and was taken from us far too early. So, thanks for the chance to remember something sweet from my past.

    ~kjl

  • Love the bling! I’m not one for jewelry, but I would definetly have to wear those babies.

  • I’m veclempt. So sweet. Girls are so fun to have. I love my boys, but pink adds a whole new element. Like diamonds! Real or not, they always make a gal feel good.
    May your day sparkle as wonderful as your writing.
    Peace,
    R. Kristina
    http://www.sharingnotes.blogspot.com
    http://www.ourforeverfamilyphotos.blogspot.com

  • Be on the alert for stalker magpies. You wouldn’t want to end up famous for being mugged by a magpie.

    Or maybe you would–it’s certainly bloggable.

  • Ok, you should know “cocktail” rings are a MAJOR fashion trend right now so you are incredibly hip with those babies. And I am loving the smaller one. If you don’t want it, I would totally take it off your hand.

    Off your hand. Get it? Man, I crack myself up.

  • I think that’s fantastic! And I have a macaroni pearl necklace that would go fabulously with it.

  • What’s it like having girly girls? I had two children–one all boy boy, and a tomboy through and through. Even as a baby she couldn’t pull off the ruffles and lace. Sigh!!!

  • oh those are great. exactly what my daughter’s would pick.