Abstract Art

ISN’T THIS BEAUTIFUL! I couldn’t wait to show it off. It’s a new piece of art I bought, to pull together the decor in the family room.

I’m lying. This is what I found underneath Jensen’s booster seat on one of the kitchen table chairs. And there was more. Much more. The photograph shows what was left behind, after I hosed up the rest with Jaws, the trusty Hoover vacuum.

People. I had to chisel what remained off the chair with a butter knife and a tenderizing mallet. Fortunately, as you can see, the distressed look is alive and well in the House of Fiddle.

And good thing, too.

White kitchen chairs. What a brilliant idea. I painted them when I was pregnant with Emme. And, our first major purchase before we were married, was a white slip covered feather couch. That was a stroke of genius.

Evidently, the thought of ever having children didn’t cross our mind. Because if I had any idea the horrors that three children could inflict on a hapless white feather couch, I would have instead gone with the brown naugahyde.

The kind you can hose off.

But, every white slip covered feather couch that has overseen the raising of three high spirited children, has a story to tell. The couch had in fact, become a scrapbook. And I was very fond of it.

But, after 10 years and one small boy with allergies, it became apparent that the couch had to go. I was reluctant, mostly because we hadn’t found anything to replace it, and there was talk of dragging the lawn furniture into the family room during the interim. Which is just tacky.

I hemmed and hawed, until finally, Fiddledaddy told me that if I agreed to get rid of the offensive couch IMMEDIATELY, he would let me take the hand-me-down piano that he had already put his size 10 foot down with a resounding, “NO WAY.”

Well. I know a good deal when I hear one. With Herculean strength, I hoisted the couch over my head myself, and tossed it out on the curb. Chopin’s mother would have done the same thing.

Lying again. The next day, I aided Fiddledaddy in stuffing the couch into the van to take to the thrift store. The same thrift store that will take almost ANYTHING. They seemed thrilled to be the recipient of the white slip covered feather couch.

We burned rubber before they had a chance to turn the seat cushions over. SUCKERS!

And we went shopping at Ashley’s Furniture and bought ourselves A NEW LEATHER COUCH, LOVE SEAT, AND CHAIR. When I clean up the family room (in other words, hide Jensen’s fleet of vacuums and cars), I’ll snap a picture.

And while I’m at it, I’ll post the photograph shown on the local news of a middle-aged housewife wearing her control top pantyhose on her head as she knocked off a bank to pay for her new leather furniture.

Liar. Liar. The control-tops had too many runs. Had to settle for Cailey’s pink princess ballet tights.

Which was, in hindsight, a little tacky. But still, a good look for me.

Have a great week, everyone!

19 Responses to Abstract Art

  • 🙂

    I keep wondering what was going through our heads when we got our furniture. Light tan? And we picked it with three children right there. Well, not quite right there. They were busy jumping on the beds three aisles over.

  • I can so relate to this. All of it. The funny thing is, I always knew we wanted kids.

    I think I just really had no idea what was coming…no idea.

  • Ohh, I’m jealous. About the new couch. Not the pink-tights getaway look. 🙂 Very funny post. Mostly because I’ve seen very similar “gunk” underneath my kids chairs when they were littler. Makes you wonder what kind of nasty stuff you fed them that turned into THAT. Go put your feet up and enjoy a seat on that couch.

  • We have the same type of artist at work in a booster chair at our table. It is amazing to me how Cheerios can turn to cement when mixed with milk. Makes me wonder about eating them. Well, I don’t eat them…just feed them to my kids.

  • LOL! That picture is what ALL my chairs and my floor look like on a regular basis. I’ve given up the perseverance I once had to keep it all clean.

    I can’t wait to see the new furniture!

  • But what about the piano?? Did you get it?? Which room is it in? Who plays? Who gave it to you??

  • I’ve always wondered exactly how is it all that food gets UNDER the booster seat? I’m really jealous of your new furniture! We’re too scared to get new yet…

  • Yes, we carpeted our first home when we were still young newlyweds, and our children weren’t even sparkles in our eyes. It was very nearly white and looked really nice next to our first living room set which had that same white streaked in with a touch of just a little bit darker white. We gave that set away with the house–I wonder if they ever figured out that couch set didn’t come in the color Brown and Grime?

  • I did the same exact thing and 11 years ago I bought the most beautiful white couch (sans slipcover) you have ever seen. It lasted all of 6 months before I bought new furniture. File it under: “What the heck was I thinking?”

  • Leather rocks in a household of children… and pets, for that matter. Our leather furniture has taken some hits, but still looks WAYYYYY better than if we had gone with traditional upholstery.

    But I will say that we have one full living room set (sofa, loveseat, chair and ottoman) in royal blue upholstery… a $500 find that will withstand the abuse doled out by our brood… and we don’t mourn the $$$ spent. A great find on the part of DH who went out one morning for coffee and came back with furniture!

  • Oh, I’ve got a set like that. It’s hidden in the basement until I can get a new set, hopefully after we sell this house and move into the next. Yeah, it may be a while…

    Congrats on your new furniture. You definitely came out on the winning end of that bargain!

  • I am cracking up you burned rubber!!!
    Can’t wait to see your new stuff, how fun!

  • Yup, that’s the “under the booster seat” look: cheerios, tomato sauce, dried pasta, mysterious blue substance, etc. Have power-blasted a few layers of that away from the chairs myself. Good deal on the new couch!

  • Yippee for the new furniture! Even I don’t totally approve of your methods for obtaining it… Ha!

  • I have commission my artist to create a masterpiece from manderin oranges and cherrios. I can’t wait to see it!

  • Yeah! I LUV Ashley furniture! Did you get the microsuede cloth ? They wash RIGHT OFF with just water on a washcloth. TRUST ME 🙂 I had a refluxy infant, and my couch still looks pretty!

  • So, how does leather and crayons mix? I’ve got a budding artist, who does not always stay on paper.

  • we got a black leather couch set as a wedding gift to eachother.

    I just thought it would be easiest to wipe off any muck that got on it.

    Never thought we’d have cats that would so graciously offer to make a pattern on them. they’re unique now.

    I’m glad you found a place that will take anything!

  • Yay for new furniture. I admit to procrastinating when it comes to cleaning under the booster seat because I’m always afraid of what I’ll find under it. Thank goodness my chairs are easy to clean.