ISN’T THIS BEAUTIFUL! I couldn’t wait to show it off. It’s a new piece of art I bought, to pull together the decor in the family room.
I’m lying. This is what I found underneath Jensen’s booster seat on one of the kitchen table chairs. And there was more. Much more. The photograph shows what was left behind, after I hosed up the rest with Jaws, the trusty Hoover vacuum.
People. I had to chisel what remained off the chair with a butter knife and a tenderizing mallet. Fortunately, as you can see, the distressed look is alive and well in the House of Fiddle.
And good thing, too.
White kitchen chairs. What a brilliant idea. I painted them when I was pregnant with Emme. And, our first major purchase before we were married, was a white slip covered feather couch. That was a stroke of genius.
Evidently, the thought of ever having children didn’t cross our mind. Because if I had any idea the horrors that three children could inflict on a hapless white feather couch, I would have instead gone with the brown naugahyde.
The kind you can hose off.
But, every white slip covered feather couch that has overseen the raising of three high spirited children, has a story to tell. The couch had in fact, become a scrapbook. And I was very fond of it.
But, after 10 years and one small boy with allergies, it became apparent that the couch had to go. I was reluctant, mostly because we hadn’t found anything to replace it, and there was talk of dragging the lawn furniture into the family room during the interim. Which is just tacky.
I hemmed and hawed, until finally, Fiddledaddy told me that if I agreed to get rid of the offensive couch IMMEDIATELY, he would let me take the hand-me-down piano that he had already put his size 10 foot down with a resounding, “NO WAY.”
Well. I know a good deal when I hear one. With Herculean strength, I hoisted the couch over my head myself, and tossed it out on the curb. Chopin’s mother would have done the same thing.
Lying again. The next day, I aided Fiddledaddy in stuffing the couch into the van to take to the thrift store. The same thrift store that will take almost ANYTHING. They seemed thrilled to be the recipient of the white slip covered feather couch.
We burned rubber before they had a chance to turn the seat cushions over. SUCKERS!
And we went shopping at Ashley’s Furniture and bought ourselves A NEW LEATHER COUCH, LOVE SEAT, AND CHAIR. When I clean up the family room (in other words, hide Jensen’s fleet of vacuums and cars), I’ll snap a picture.
And while I’m at it, I’ll post the photograph shown on the local news of a middle-aged housewife wearing her control top pantyhose on her head as she knocked off a bank to pay for her new leather furniture.
Liar. Liar. The control-tops had too many runs. Had to settle for Cailey’s pink princess ballet tights.
Which was, in hindsight, a little tacky. But still, a good look for me.
Have a great week, everyone!