What Happens When You Swallow a Watermelon

As you might have guessed, Brad Pitt won by a landslide. And yes, it’s the “real” Brad Pitt.

I have decided to release each of my Six Unimportant Facts and accompanying pictures, a day at a time. On my regular posting days. Because scanning is involved. I don’t come by scanning easily. My scanning know-how is located on the technological side of my brain, and is not given much room. So it takes awhile. I would have begun the process last night.

However.

I was up to my armpits in vomit. I took the kids to the beach yesterday. And then to their grandparents to swim. Forgetting to “reapply” the sunscreen. My Cailey, who burns just walking by a window, resembled a lobster. And to celebrate sea food, I cooked shrimp for dinner. Which she dearly loves.

An unfortunate choice.

Because when you combine a really bad sunburn with shrimp for dinner, you end up with The Vomit Tour. Beginning at the couch, trailing through the dining room, moving on down the hall, with the grand finale culminating in the bathroom.

I was in no mood to utilize brain cells after that. I was too busy congratulating myself on what a wonderful mother I was. To let my child get so sunburned that she vomited. Good form.

Now. For your viewing pleasure, I bring you the pregnancy pictures. These needed no scanning as they were in my computer already. Waiting to be used as a desktop decoration, when I’m feeling a little frumpy.

This was when I was in the hospital, preparing to deliver Cailey. The photograph was taken AFTER the epidural. Had I allowed a camera near me BEFORE the epidural, you would have seen my head spinning around while I spewed green pea soup at the lense. BTW, Cailey weighed in at nearly 10 pounds.

Oh. And did I mention that I don’t have birthing hips?

This was when I was pregnant with Jensen. I put on 50 pounds with the boy child. My personal best. I am very short waisted, so my children all had no where to go but straight out. What? I don’t look that big? I am. If you consider I still had THREE MONTHS left to go.

And Fiddledaddy confiscated my car keys somewhere around 6 months into the pregnancy because I could no longer fit behind the steering wheel. Adding to my misery.

This was taken at my baby shower for Jensen. Where I was Princess for a day. One of the shower games was to guess my circumference.

That number I will take to my grave.

Stay tuned for more unimportant photographic evidence.

April 10, 2008

38 Responses to What Happens When You Swallow a Watermelon

  • You look so sweet!!! Getting big is well worth what you get in return. I love your blog. You make me laugh and smile every day.

  • You may have had big bellies, but you sure were cute! 🙂 I mean it.

  • I pictured you tall, thin, and brunette. I see you are really – well pregnant doesn’t count, and blonde! You are adorable and funny to boot!
    Great job!
    Cayce
    An Uncluttered Life

  • Look how adorable you are!!!

    (I can so relate to this…it is no consolation to be pregnant with twins when you are that big…it still stinks…)

  • i always looked like that pregnant too. people thought i was going to tip over i was so front heavy.

  • I think you are the cutest expectant mommy I have ever seen DeeDee. I really do!

    And I’ll be praying for your sweet baby girl.

    And for your visualization pleasure and maybe a giggle…I was about Cailey’s age when I got sick at my aunt’s. I threw up and it projected a good six feet in front of me. As I was running to the bathroom I slipped in “it” and fell right smack dab in the middle of it! Get out the hose and spray me down! Nothin’ smells sweeter than a six year old covered in puke. Yep, thought you might laugh. Your welcome!

  • In the interest of friendship, I Won’t post my pregnancy pics and let you think you weren’t the largest preggo ever.

    I’l just say that when we did that toilet paper square measuring thing (and btw, who thinks up those sadistic games) … they started looking at the package to see how many square miles were in each roll, just for reference.

    Yeah.

    My friends.

    They were just jealous I was the first to blow.

    Should you need to sob, Just call.

  • Ok, I’m nominating you for cutest pregnant lady ever. (If there is such an award.) Loved the pics!

    Thanks always for the dose of humor. I always look forward to reading your blog.

  • Every time that I was huge and pg, i would wonder if I was really gonna go back to normal size again. I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to ‘normal’ size, but it did always amaze me how ok it all looked a week or so later. Loved the pictures! Thanks for the entertainment! 🙂

  • I’m impressed. You delivered!! And yess Mama, you were huge!! (I’m saying that in a loving way of course)
    Can’t wait to see the BP pics too.

  • My word woman! That is one giant belly for a little person. You really were adorable though.

  • Hey – you looked great. At least when you have a huge belly there is no doubt that I was pregnant.

    I looked the same way – There’s no carrying high or low when you are built that way – it’s everything between boobs and thighs = belly.

  • Is that a dimple I see? You’re so stinking cute!

  • Hi, DeeDee! Those are cool photos. 10 pounds?! My largest, 40 years ago, was my middle one, Carolyn, who weighed 6 pounds and was only one month early. Christi (Christina Dee) weighed under 3…and at 38 is still very small but the mother of 2, and Kathi, our oldest, weighed 4.9 pounds. Anyway, really cute photos!

  • Now that’s impressive!

  • I agree with tootie too pretty!! you should get an award you look great being pregant!! and I can so relate I had my son at 40 and got really big, still am trying to lose the wieght.
    you are beauitful anyway. blessing marina

  • I’m so sorry. I HAVE to say this.

    You weren’t lying. Are you certain these haven’t been photoshopped??

    10 pound baby sums it up nicely.

    Thank GOD for drugs.

  • Okay, if I had been photoshopped (and believe me, I’m not above it) I would have gone in the opposite direction. Doncha think? 🙂

    Thank you all for the sweet complements. At the time, I felt about as cute as a swollen swine. Sitting atop fat porky ankles.

    Ah. Memories. Pressed between the pages of my mind.

  • Now, I KNOW I love you. Any girl that was as big as me during pregnancy is my BFF.

    We played that same game at my shower. The guests pulled off a strip of toilet paper the length they thought would fit around my belly. My MOTHER pulled the longest one and it was too big. My mother-in-law had the second longest.

  • You are just beautiful! Not just your belly, but I think you are so lovely!

  • Ah, someone who got as ginormous as me! 🙂 I cannot believe how darn big I got when I was pregnant. Cute pictures! And well worth the hugeness, right?

  • Big babies are always fun–they don’t seem quite so fragile. Like you’ll drop them or smoosh them or something. I had 1 almost 10-pounder, 2 almost 9-pounders, and my almost 8-pounder was 3 weeks early!

  • Those guess-the-circumference games are just cruel. Someone brought a ball of string and guests were to cut a piece that they thought would fit around me. If I remember right, they ran out of string before everyone had a chance to guess. I still have the winning string – it’s huge! I carried straight out in front with all of my babies, too.

  • You were a cutie preg woman =) But it sure feels better when they are OUT.

  • Although I know you felt like a beached whale, you sure did look beautiful with that pregnancy glow. You didn’t LOOK 50 lbs into it. That my friend is a good thing.

    Me? I looked like a toothpick with an olive in the middle.

  • Wow, I didn’t know where you were going with the Brad Pitt topic but then I scrolled down and read your other post (you played poker with him?!). Now I’m on the same page here. 🙂

    I agree with Shalee, you do not at all look like you gained 50lbs in the middle pic….you carried it very well. 🙂

  • Anyone who posts pregnancy pics on the internet deserves mega props!
    Did I just say “mega”?
    Like,totally gnarly, Dude!
    Anyway, I agree with eveyone else… U R A Q T Pie!!
    LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blog!!

  • I am only 5’0″ and I was enormous when I was pregnant, too, because my son just had nowhere to go! He was my first, so I cringe just thinking about how big I’ll be with future kids!

  • Has it really been a whole week since I was here last? I caught up with with all the posts and laughed out loud at all of them. And I’m not one of those “easy laughers.”

    Love your blog!
    Suzanne

  • I can completely relate. I, too, am short waisted, so my kids had nowhere to go but out. On top of that, I’m just 5’3″ tall. My belly was so huge when I was pregnant with my daughter. She was 9 lbs. 7 oz. – two weeks early! When I was 36 weeks, I went to the zoo with my son and his babysitter. While I very slowly waddled around the zoo, I must have had six different women stop me and ask me if I was having twins. When I said no, their responses were all the same: “you’re huge!”

  • Any fool can see you did not Photoshop these. You clearly stuck basketballs up your shirt on top of an already pregnant tummy in a desperate bid for extra “cute mommy-to-be” public attention. It really is quite phenomenal, Dee Dee. I was almost speechless. Almost.

  • I got HUGE with my first. So big that I couldn’t even wear those maternity clothes during Rounds 2 and 3.

    I learned that I really didn’t need to eat for two, see.

    Hey – but you’re smiling in all of those pictures! That’s something!

  • That’s pretty much my pregnancy look too. I’m 5’1″ and short waisted so the belly was way out there in front. I never could tell if I was “carrying high or low” because the baby took up all the space there was! My babies ranged from 7lb9oz to 8lb3oz.

    You were an adorable pregnant girl.

  • As a Mother/Baby nurse, I’ve seen a lot of pregnant Mommies. And I nominate you for the cutest pregnant Mommy! Thank you for the laugh.

    For your daily dose of vintage goodness & a bit of silliness, stop by Confessions of an Apron Queen, the home of Vintage Thingies Thursdays.

  • You look so cute! I can tell you’re tiny as your face didn’t swell cause everything else reached maximum capacity.

  • Awww, you were cute! I just LOOOOVE how people say “you’re huge” like it’s a compliment when you’re pregnant. Whenever someone said that to me I always said “Thanks, you’re huge too!”

    They didn’t have much to say after that. Ha ha ha.

  • At least you looked pregnant with three months left. With my second, I, okay I’ll admit it, didn’t look pregnant. Three days before my due date some chick at church started arguing with me about how much longer I had. She swore I had three months and I had three days. (two actually because Beanie came early). Doesn’t she know not to argue with a pregnant woman who knows the milisecond when her due date is? LOL