I have moments of parenting brilliance. “I just don’t think you can get this room cleaned up before your sister finishes her job. She’s so much faster.”
Then I just step out of the way.
“You’re right. This math is for a 1st grader. There’s no way you are ready for it. Since you’re only in Kindergarten.”
20 problems are then solved. In lightening fast speed. And all are correct.
But, something quite unexpected is happening with the boy child.
“Jensen, this vacuum is just like a CAR-CAR! Look! It has wheels and goes VROOM-VROOM!” And so, he commandeers my beloved Shark cordless vacuum.
I may have sprained my arm, patting myself on the back.
This sounds awfully good on paper. But, now he won’t give it back. He runs it down until the red light is blinking wildly for mercy, begging to be plugged in so that the battery can recharge. And people, it’s not like he’s doing a great job cleaning. Somehow, someway, HE’S MISSING ALL THE DIRT.
AND THE NOISE. Oy. When the battery is long dead, he continues to vacuum making his own Jensen The Human Vacuum noise. A sound which should only be heard by wild mad dogs.
He’s now branched out to show his love and adoration to the Shark’s extended vacuum family, housed in the front closet, containing the Bissell Steam Vac and Bissell Cyclonic 12 Amp Vacuum. I don’t let him operate either of these, because of the electrocution factor.
Since he started licking the electrical outlets at age 15 months, we try to prohibit him from operating anything electrical.
But he talks about them ALL THE DAY LONG. And wants to visit them in the front closet.
I’ve come to the conclusion that he gets his obsessive from me. And the compulsive? That’s from his father. Maybe we just need to let this run its course.
But on a recent trip to Lowes, Fiddledaddy tried to interest him in the John Deere riding mowers. Nothing doing. He headed straight for the “wacwoom” display.
After a reasonable amount of time was spent admiring the many models, the attempt to extricate Jensen from aisle #12 drew a crowd.
Now, on Sunday mornings, he peruses the paper with his dad. They don’t haggle over the Sports page, or the Outdoors section. Jensen goes right for the circulars, in search of the latest model of vacuuming excellence. On sale.
I wish I were kidding.
We have a family bulletin board in the center of the Fiddle household. On it, we tack up well loved pictures, things we’re grateful for, and stuff for our “I wish, I wish” list. Jensen taped up a picture of a Dyson vacuum. You know, the $500.00 model. In bright canary yellow.
I’m praying for his future wife, you know. And it seems to be working, because she’s gonna get a gem.
If I can just steer him towards All The Dirt.
Please tell me this is just a passing phase. Because it really su**s. (Pun intended.)