I haven’t had much time for blogging in the last couple of days. Because I’ve been spending a good deal of my waking hours staring into the bathroom mirror. It’s not the type of introspective gazing you might expect of someone my age. “Who am I? What kind of legacy am I creating? Am I living up to my full potential?”
No. Nothing that deep.
I have a Pimple. But, not one that you could dab a little concealer over and disguise, and thusly go about business as usual. This is a Pimple that I may need to register with the census bureau. Other pimples I’ve written about should bow in homage to this Pimple. And yes, it deserves a capitol P.
I’ve noticed lately that when I’m engaging in conversation with someone, their eyes slowly drift down to the pimple. And stay there. They try to maintain polite eye contact. I can tell they really don’t want to stare. But, much like a hideous car wreck, it can’t be ignored. All traffic on both directions will come to a standstill. Just to look.
Truth be told, I’m a little afraid of Pimple. It’s beginning to take over my whole head. And I took action. Knowing full well that it would laugh at my Oxyclear, I let Fiddledaddy talk me into using
battery acid a topical herbal fungacidal type remedy that comes in an innocent looking dropper.
I thanked him for his suggestion with, “OW! OW! OW! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?” He knows full well, I have a low threshold for pain. And a high sense of drama.
I looked on the back of the bottle. And I quote, “This product has been used to kill strep, salmonella, E. coli, Staph, Candida, herpes, influenza, cholera, parasites, fungi and travelers diarrhea.”
Afterwards, as you might expect, Pimple became very very angry. Swelling up to thrice it’s original size. I didn’t think that were even possible. And then, to make sure no one would miss it, Pimple turned bright red and purple.
The thought of popping it never crossed my mind.
Because that would be immature.
And I probably would have died from the blood loss and pain.
But really, the timing is perfect. Pimple racks focus away from my dark roots and excessive bloating brought on by my menses.
It’s shaping up to be a really really good day.