Two Heads Are Not Always Better Than One

I haven’t had much time for blogging in the last couple of days. Because I’ve been spending a good deal of my waking hours staring into the bathroom mirror. It’s not the type of introspective gazing you might expect of someone my age. “Who am I? What kind of legacy am I creating? Am I living up to my full potential?”

No. Nothing that deep.

I have a Pimple. But, not one that you could dab a little concealer over and disguise, and thusly go about business as usual. This is a Pimple that I may need to register with the census bureau. Other pimples I’ve written about should bow in homage to this Pimple. And yes, it deserves a capitol P.

I’ve noticed lately that when I’m engaging in conversation with someone, their eyes slowly drift down to the pimple. And stay there. They try to maintain polite eye contact. I can tell they really don’t want to stare. But, much like a hideous car wreck, it can’t be ignored. All traffic on both directions will come to a standstill. Just to look.

Truth be told, I’m a little afraid of Pimple. It’s beginning to take over my whole head. And I took action. Knowing full well that it would laugh at my Oxyclear, I let Fiddledaddy talk me into using battery acid a topical herbal fungacidal type remedy that comes in an innocent looking dropper.

I thanked him for his suggestion with, “OW! OW! OW! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?” He knows full well, I have a low threshold for pain. And a high sense of drama.

I looked on the back of the bottle. And I quote, “This product has been used to kill strep, salmonella, E. coli, Staph, Candida, herpes, influenza, cholera, parasites, fungi and travelers diarrhea.”

Allrightythen.

Afterwards, as you might expect, Pimple became very very angry. Swelling up to thrice it’s original size. I didn’t think that were even possible. And then, to make sure no one would miss it, Pimple turned bright red and purple.

Pretty.

The thought of popping it never crossed my mind.

Because that would be immature.

And I probably would have died from the blood loss and pain.

But really, the timing is perfect. Pimple racks focus away from my dark roots and excessive bloating brought on by my menses.

It’s shaping up to be a really really good day.

In hell.

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28 Responses to Two Heads Are Not Always Better Than One

  • i always thought i would outgrow the pimple stage. but at the rate i’m going i’ll have equal wrinkles and pimples before it’s all over.

  • Oh, DeeDee.

    DeeDee, DeeDee, DeeDee.

    I know whereof you speak my sister.

    Draw a happy face on it with a Sharpie, give it a name and call it your Symbiant. It’s the only mature thing to do.

  • ouch! the only thing that could make it worse is if it was in a location that was just in your line of vision. you know, like the tip of your nose so you can see it when your talking to someone or something like that.

    hope it leaves soon.

  • DeeDee, I went on a trip to the mountains this weekend with five of my girlfriends (all Christians). We had the best time ever!!! I am still floating! But, anyway, I told all 5 of them about your blog and that they HAVE to read it every day. I sent them the address last night. I laughed hysterically this morning thinking today’s post will be their first exposure to you!!! You didn’t let me down!

  • I’m sure you receive this 100s of times. . .but I tagged you for an “Excellent Blog Award”.

    Thanks for a slice of your life.

  • Oh, I’m sorry! Owie!

  • Ok, this is going to sound REALLY weird BUT…to keep zits under control here in the Land of Cooper we use Lava soap and stick deodorant. Both dry up the excess oil and the soap cleans pores out well. Just be sure to buy separate deodorants, YUCK!! In two days things should start to dry up, shrink and disappear.

  • I feel for ya! I gotta say though – THANK GOD I’m not the only one over 40 who STILL gets zits! I started when I was 11….shouldn’t this phase of our lives be over by now??? I use Dr. Burt’s herbal roll on stuff – works pretty good.

  • Dana! ROFLOL!

  • If your title wasn’t already so stinkin’ awesome, I would suggest “Ode to a Pimple,” by DeeDee and friend.

  • I’m with Chickadee…my only hope is that my Pimples will sink in the creases of my wrinkles!

  • A good friend of mine had what she thought was a “pimple” on her nose last week. Turned out to be a Staph infection instead. Hope yours is not!!!!

  • Good night NURSE! I thought I was the only human being alive that was capable of producing such monstrosities.

    Hope yours is better soon.

    If it stays purple, you really should have it checked out, especially if you experience any other symptoms like fever, pain in the neck or throat, dry mouth, swollen glands in your armpits. MRSA is very common these days. 🙂

    Not that I’m trying to freak you out or anything…it’s probably just a HUGE zit, so the only thing you’ll have to worry about is which bandana you’re going to wear over your face like a veil when you go out in public.

  • Totally unrelated to the gross story above (though–try tea tree oil) I have to tell you. I did my once a month run to GNC yesterday and saw the giant bottle of Bragg’s sitting there–they have a “no questions asked returns” policy so I figured in for a penny in for a pound and went fo rthe gian tbottle (which with my 20% off cost the same price as the tiny bottle. I just put some sparingly on my chinese noodles and was absolutely amazed. I then told my husband who’s eyes popped when he saw the bottle and heard the price then was thrileld when I explained the price comparisons and that this stuff tastes like the really good soy sauce he prefers instead of the cheap stuff he hates. Anyway, THANK YOU!!!! I am thrilled. And now I have no excuse not to make potstickers more often (which makes my husband very happy.)

  • I get these too around that special time of month. Sometimes I get them for two weeks. Last time I had one, I went to the doctor’s. PA took one look at my face and said, “What is that?” Dumbass, why did he think I was there??

  • I love your title, D2. Amen. Me, I’m all about popping it and getting over the waiting stage. As you can tell, I have no patience… and looking great hasn’t ever been my top priority. So take that as you will.

    Dana and Kelly – you made me laugh out loud!

  • Maybe you could add a satellite on it and register it as a planet!! You are so funny.

  • Girl I would squeeze the heck out of that thing! Its just a little painful and then tomorrow its gone!
    This is coming from someone who can’t and I mean CAN’T leave a pimple on my face!

  • My sincerest condolences and heartfelt empathy… (soon as I stop snickering)!
    Must. avert. gaze. can’t. look. away.

  • Not to mention that if you pop it, you’ll totally have to clean the mirror too! Who needs more work when you’d be furiously trying to stop the bloodloss??

    I am in complete and total empathy as these last weeks of pregnancy are wreaking total and complete havok on my skin…..”pregnancy glow”??? Not even close!!

  • I feel you, my friend. Post partum hormones are NOT my friends since they have produced something that can only be described as . . . alive. I swear that it has its own pulse.

    At least I can blame my shut-in tendencies on the baby and not on my vanity.

  • this should be a WFMW tip 🙂 Here’s the best way to pop a pimple: pores expand in heat, so you dip a q-tip or the corner of a wash-cloth into very very hot water, and then press (and rub a little) just that little bit of hot water and steam onto the pimple. The steam and the heat will cause the clogged-pore to open up, and the pus to come out. For a particularly stubborn pimple, you might have to do this a couple of times. Perhaps putting your face near a humidifier would work too (or a hot cup of tea) – but i’ve never tried.
    Because you’re naturally expanding your pores, and not forcing the tight skin to pop, it doesn’t leave a scar….also, it should releave the pressure and pain that I’m sure you’re feeling.

  • Can’t.stop.laughing!! However much laughter triggered the cramps. Right now I’m doubled over on the floor with cramps so I reached up to type this to say ouch that’s gotta hurt!

    Force your husband to pop it while you lay down and watch the puss hit him full in the face. Call it even for trying to kill you off. Just saying. 🙂

  • Rachel,
    Oh, you mentioned the pus, and I got a little green and woozy.

    Good form everyone!!!!!

  • I found your blog through Lisa W. blog I had email you about you 100 things LOVE IT!!!
    anyway, you may need a doctor.
    ouch!!sounds like it hurts..’marina

  • Ouch! I LOVE Boscia’s Willow Bark Breakout Treatment. It seems to shrink them within a day (or night) for me! Of course, it doesn’t really help with the one I have way inside my nose right now…but at least no one knows that it’s there except me!

  • Oh boy oh boy, can I relate! I get those huge suckers, too! UGH! I have a 3 part attack squad for mine: Proactiv repairing lotion (I don’t do the whole regime–dries me out), then some Avon pimple-eater, followed by another pimple muncher from Victoria Principal (Blemish buster). The last one reeks as it’s like 99% sulfer or something like that. OUCH! But, if I reply all three throughout the day–for a few days–the darn things starts to go away.

    I really feel for you. Those Big Mama’s SUCK!

  • Hahahahahahahaha……
    Oh, I feel your pain.