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Driving Under the Influence

Last night, I was happily typing away on my computer. From the kitchen, Fiddledaddy nonchalantly says, “If you should ever be driving, and a large toad were to climb up your leg, you could remain calm and not freak out and crash killing yourself and all of our children, right?”

My fingers froze on the keyboard.

“Why do you ask?”

toad-graphic.gif“Well, a little while ago when I was getting out of the van, there was a rather large toad, not the cute little tree frogs that you’re obsessed with, but a big warty TOAD, that was by the driver’s door. When I went to shoo him away with my foot, he may have jumped up into the van. And I can’t find him.”

One of two things may happen today, people.

A) You may be reading about me in the news.

B) We may be spending the day at the car dealership, looking for a replacement for the mommy mobile.

Okay, three things.

3) I’m never leaving the house again. You’ll be hearing much more from me.


19 Responses to Driving Under the Influence

  • You could buy a toad trap…if there is such a thing.

  • The other day I was in the checkout of a local grocery store. I saw some candy gummy frogs. If I really thought you would give a total internet stranger your home address I would have bought them and sent them. Instead you’ll just have to know that you were thought of…

  • Of course, then you could have had me arrested for mail stalking or something…

  • not only do you have to worry about what color the traffic light is and are you doing what it tells you to do, now every little twitch and odd sound is sure to be a toad. in your car…

    don’t tell the dealership it’s there if you go to trade it in.

  • all I can say is “time to freak out!!” LOL

  • This is one of the funniest posts I’ve read in a long time. I had the same thing happen with a spider in the car and I blogged about it. I hope he’s dead from the cold now but what is he was a she and laid eggs. Maybe I’ll trade the car in too.

  • OK, I’m from Canada, the only time I ever saw so many frogs or toads as you are describing was in the Philippines. ( and I will have you know that I understand your fear as I remember trying to distinguish rocks from toads while in that contry) so if I may ask, are you in North America?)

  • Ok I have thought a lot about this and I really think it would be good therapy for you to head over to froguts.com, I know you will get a kick out of it! I enjoy your frog dilemmas, you just crack me up!

  • You poor thing!

  • oh, don’t worry. no food to eat = no frog to worry about. soon, you just have to follow your nose to find it. anyone know how long a toad can go without eating?

  • Because I’m all about the love, and making sure you’re taken care of …

    Here is the answer to your dilemma.


    I even located video of it in action-

    but, I love you too much to give you the link.

  • We don’t have a frog problem here, but we have huge grasshoppers. The size of a large toad. They are nasty. But I have a very large dog who likes to torture them. She catches them in her mouth shakes them around a bit & then spits them out. She’s terrified of frogs, otherwise I’d offer to bring her to you to get rid of your problem or at least make your frogs drunk.

  • Seriously is it like all the amphibious creature on the planet has gotten together to torture you…and laugh at you…and give us all something hilarious to laugh at.

  • I would suggest that you get that tazer from a few post earlier and zap the toads brains out. But that would mean getting in touching distance.
    I wonder if frog legs really tastes like chicken?

  • Oh my goodness, I would not handle that very well. My one and only experience with a big ugly toad took place when we vacationed in FL several years ago. It had wedged itself in the sliding door frame and would not move. I could not go to sleep until my husband had coerced it into the great outdoors. I had visions of it climbing under our covers during the night. Yuck.

  • What is it with amphibians and you?! I had a similar experience with a spider in January. I looked down and there was a giant- ok, small spider (but it was more body than legs) crawling on my arm while I was driving! I freaked out, pulled over and jumped out of the car to get it off. But then…I could not find it! I spent probably five minutes looking for that spider! It was not in my seat, on my seat belt, or on me that I could see. For the rest of the day, I kept feeling things crawling on me! It was horrible!

    So, look on the bright side…at least you will know if the toad hops up on you. You won’t have to wonder!

  • I almost killed myself and my two boys when a grasshopper jumped on my arm, seemingly out of thin air, in the car. I HATE grasshoppers…… my 15 year old nearly passed out from laughing once he got over the near death experience.

  • Bad, but not as bad as the time the snake my husband was trying to kill got away and climbed up into his car. He was going to leave it because he thought it would probably eventually climb out on its own but I completely refused to get within 10 feet of that car unless he found it and killed it, which he did after hours of searching.

  • Wow, your house seems to be a frog mecca! I hate it when my husband asks me questions like that!