Play It Again Sam

Saturday is the very best day to do your monthly grocery shopping trip at Sam’s Club. How do I know? Because everyone else on God’s green earth thinks so too. I mean, where else can you pack 500 sardines customers armed with 200 or more oversized grocery carts, and a smattering of flatbed carts suitable for oversized cargo. Or a really large appetite.

A genuine bonus, though, are the sample vendors stationed at the end of each aisle. This is the one place that my children will try nearly anything. Eye of Newt? If it’s at Sam’s, it must be delicious. We experience nearly every vendor when we shop. And try NOT to fall into the trap of buying whatever it is they are peddling.

Last Saturday, I nearly fell into that little snare. When we drove up, I noticed a nice little display set up out front where the hapless customers enter and exit. It was a table that had Girl Scout Cookies neatly stacked in rows. My heart skipped a beat. As we drove by I scanned the various varieties. Yes, there they were, the Thin Mints.

I noticed something else that I found a little disturbing. There were no Girl Scouts. The booth was run by a band of middle aged (a term I can use since I’m among them) women who looked as though they were no strangers to the delights of Girl Scout cookies. (Again, me too.) Just sayin’.

I wondered out loud, “They are gonna want cash, right?”

Fiddledaddy confirmed my suspicion. Three dollars and fifty cents. I began rummaging through my wallet. In the mean time, we found the perfect parking space. An empty one where we could still be considered in the same county as Sam’s.

Fiddledaddy began to plant that seed of doubt. “Are you sure you want to do that?” Referring to the fistful of pennies I was clutching.

As you know, I was the recipient of a box of Thin Mints more than a week ago. A box that was completely emptied within 24 hours. I was the only one who dined on those cookies. I did not share.

And I paid the price. The next day I had the face of a teenager.

And not in a good way.

Staring at the bathroom mirror, I counted three rather largish pimples, and one spot on my chin line that could only be described as a hematoma. Or a goiter.

Not pretty. Emme looked closely at it, “Mom, I think it’s cancer.”

Great. I’ll be the first person in history to die from ingesting a box of Thin Mints. Without the benefit of chewing.

Mustering all the will power available to me, and that’s not much, we decided to duck into Sam’s through the “carts only” entrance. (You know, the opening that’s just big enough for a cart to fit through.) And avoid the Girl Scout wannabes and their cookie stash altogether.

There were no samples available to me that could take the place of those delicious Thin Mints. I thought about them the entire shopping trip. After the children had their fill of cookie pieces, 1/8 of a breakfast sandwich, pasta and chicken in a pill cup, plus other forgettable delicacies, we checked out.

Again, approaching the exit, my palms got sweaty. I touched the jaw line hematoma that was only now beginning to heal. Yet, the Thin Mints were just steps away. In a panic, I made a sharp right and exited out the “carts only” entrance. Hitting my head on the low roof.

A close call, to be sure. Avoidance has always been my best coping technique.

But, I keep thinking of excuses to go back to Sam’s.

And it ain’t for the samples.

February 22, 2008

17 Responses to Play It Again Sam

  • My daughter is no longer a girl scout, but my niece in another state is. When my sister called and asked if we wanted to order any cookies, I am embarrassed to tell you the number of boxes of thin mints we asked for. But in my defense, husband and daughter wanted them, too!

  • I feel your pain. I have instructed my kids not to let me buy cookies from the tables out in front of WalMart. But I have a secret. Keebler makes a cookie called a Grasshopper which is very similar to thin mints, so on our last trip I was laughing inside. We got to the cookie aisle, presumably to buy these specific oatmeal cookies for Ben, and I went looking for Grasshoppers.

    No. Not a single one.

    It was a sad day in WalMart.

  • I completely understand!! We were not going to buy Girl Scout cookies this year, and then when some of my students from our homeschool co-op called I could not say, “NO”.

    I ordered two boxes for my soldier. My sister order 2 boxes of thin mints and one of every other kind they are selling for her soldier. Our flat rate boxes are already taped and ready to receive the cookies, so we can get them in the boxes and sealed before we change our minds and eat them ourselves. 🙂 Clearly we have no self control.

  • So far, we have held off this year, but it has been hard! My favorites are the Tagalongs! We usually buy several boxes and then put them in the freezer so we only go through one box in a month. That works…if they are in someone else’s freezer. It is really hard if they are right there in your freezer. But, oh how wonderful they are in June!

  • OK- so how come we pay $4 a box for said same cookies!!!! Unconvering a little conspiracy among the girl scouting ranks…and don’t even get me started on the fact that the parents were the ones manning the booth for sales- you would think at least a token girl scout would’ve been a good idea!!!!

  • OH, that was so funny. My daughter sold cookies this year, so this weekend we will get a shipment of 100 or so boxes to distribute. This is about 2 weeks into my ‘no sugar, no white flour diet’, which is about to go down in flames.

  • Oh those yummylicious Thin Mints . . . $3.25 a box here 🙂 I am AWFUL with willpower – I have NONE – and Thin Mints would be the death of me – oh they make the best milkshakes! So each year when my boss’ granddaughter comes in with her curly red hair and adorable dimples, I order 4 boxes and check the box for Military. I never get to see the cookies, which is good for me . . . and someone else does get to eat the cookies, which I hope makes them very happy!

  • Thin mints are definitely the best. Almost as good as York Peppermint Patties.

  • I hate to be the devil on your shoulder, but you know they only sell them once a year. Buy now, quantities are limited.

  • This was the first year that I just said no to Thin Mints… I’d say it was a test of wills, but really I don’t want to pay so much for a puny box of chocolates. I mean why pay $3.50 for those when I can make a perfectly satisfying batch of chocolate chip cookie dough for $1.50? Plus I can make that one last at least a day or three compared to the TM… Those cookies are gone before I ever have a relationship with them… other than devouring them.

    I can get almost triple of that good stuff for a single box. It’s a win-win for me. (Because I usually don’t share the dough unless the kids see it too. And then all heck breaks loose, as well as the big spoon in the drawer.)

    It’s all about the economy at our place.

  • Just want to chime in again with an explanation to the price differences in the cookies. It depends on your local girl scout council. They set the price. A large portion of the price goes to the council and a much smaller portion actually goes to the cute little cookie selling girl scout’s troop.

  • So you have bumps on your face AND a bump on your head due to the Thin Mints.

    And you still want more.

    Has anyone ever checked out the ingredients list to see if nicotine is hidden inside?

  • I have avoided them I really have, we took a trip across the country to TX last week and wouldn’t you know it right out side of Cabela’s hunting store 3 little scouts were selling cookies, well it was vacation and all… So 3 boxes later, and a whole lot of Mexican food, we are dieting this week!

  • If you could give me the address and directions to that Sams Club from Michigan, I would greatly appreciate it.

  • I swear that is the only place I loose all sense of control. I walk out with boxes full of things I don’t really need, but look so good. Maybe handcuffs and blinders would solve my problem.

  • It wasn’t the cookies that caused the breakout – it’s brocolli. The brocolli industry doesn’t want you to know that.

  • The best reason to go back to Sam’s is for their snack bar’s Four Berry Sundae. For only $1.50!! It is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. Trust me. Would I lie about frozen yogurt?