After weeks of anticipation, the Dancing with the Stars lineup has been revealed.
And I can barely contain my disappointment.
I think the network has been playing “fast and loose” with the term “stars.” For starters, I’ve never heard of most of the upcoming cast. Further, none of them, to my knowledge, have ever been arrested, or landed in rehab. And everyone knows, to ensure success in Hollywood, you’re nobody until your mug shot has been splashed across Entertainment Tonight.
Without further fanfare, the following is the cast for the Dancing with the Stars season, set to premiere March 17th.
Telenovela star Cristian de la Fuente
R&B singer Mario
Magician Penn Jillette
Actor Steve Guttenberg
Olympic Gold Medal Figure Skater Kristi Yamaguchi
Former tennis pro Monica Seles
NFL Player Jason Taylor
Actress Shannon Elizabeth
Radio/TV personality Adam Carolla
Actress Marissa Jaret Winokur
Oscar-winning actress Marlee Matlin
Actress Priscilla Presley
To further add salt to my wounds, I had heard from a number of reliable sources (Access Hollywood, People Magazine, National Inquirer) that Donny Osmond would be featured this season.
If you will notice, he was not mentioned.
I hang my head in sadness.
Since I’ve now sworn off Survivor, and am likely to jettison Dancing with the Stars as well, all of my reality TV hopes and dreams will have to be pinned on American Idol. A tall order, to be sure.
Simon Cowell, don’t let me down now, buddy. Randy, dude, do your thang. And Paula, well, just be there.