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I Did Not Even Make It Up

Pre-Note: Just get in and sit down. The tip will be revealed after a little meandering. Brevity is not my gift.



I haven’t put on make-up in a week. Not too sure if I’ve brushed my hair either. The captain of this ship, and his first mate are both sick.

The children got over their respective colds with ease. But the adults can’t seem to shake it.

Which is very unusual.

Since we actually wash our hands using soap. And rarely, if ever, stick our fingers up our noses.

I was putting Emme to bed a few days ago, and instead of a customary kiss, I patted her on the head and said, “Mommy can’t get too close because she’s sick.” Horrified, she looked up at me and said, “MOM! Then who’s going to take care of us? Who’s going to feed us? HOW ARE WE GONNA EAT?”

Through post nasal drip, Fiddledaddy quipped from the other side of the room, “Don’t worry, McDonalds serves breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

He’s hysterical.

Please don’t get the idea that we frequent McDonalds ALL the time. We don’t. Really. The fact that they know us by name really has nothing to do with the frequency that we dine there. Or that “Don-Walds” was one of Jensen’s first words. Really.

And I have a question. Why is it when you have a bad head cold, does everyone have to be SO LOUD. I MEAN, THE CHILDREN ARE ALL SO MUCH MORE NOISY THAN USUAL. And they like to make the SAME ANNOYING NOISES OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

My head would have exploded if I hadn’t already lost so much brain matter from blowing my nose. I’m mean, really, I think I’ve been personally responsible for felling a few trees to make the tissues that now trail behind me on the floor. After they’ve fallen out of my bra, which is where all good mothers keep their used tissues.

Moving on.

Thank you Excedrin for such a fine product. And to the makers of Nyquil, you’re on my Christmas card list for next year.

Now, finally, at long last, my Works For Me Wednesday tip is about make-up. I drug it out in the hopes that it would at least make me feel better. There’s really little hope that my looks will improve. This week, there’s not enough make-up in the world for that. Not even pancake.

As I looked at my cup of make-up brushes, I thought of a tip that a make-up artist gave me many many decades ago when I was a bright-eyed ingenue in the entertainment industry. (And I’m referring to the tip which came after “GET OUT OF THIS BUSINESS!”) And I’ve embraced this tip ever since.

Make-up brushes are horrifically expensive. And they usually don’t last long at all. Besides, they are rather stiff. Don’t purchase standard make-up brushes. Instead, go to a reputable craft store and buy sable artist brushes. Liner brushes work wonderfully for, well, lining. And small angled brushes are ideal for eye shadow. You get the idea. They can be cleaned with mild soap and water and last for many many years.

Perfect for when I’m getting myself all dolled up to attend the grand opening of the newest Wal•Mart.

As an additional benefit, a lot of craft stores advertise coupons in the Sunday paper, or on-line.

For more Works For Me Wednesday tips, head over to Rocks In My Dryer.


10 Responses to I Did Not Even Make It Up

  • Sorry you are feeling ill. This too shall pass. . .

  • This post proves, once again, that there is no one better equipped to represent American Motherhood in the event that Earth is visited by creatures from another planet who want to learn our culture.


  • Do you think they are better than MAC brushes as well?

  • Hey, that’s a good idea! Hope you feel better soon!

  • I’m sorry you’re so sick – hope you are feeling better really soon.

    Thanks for the tip on the brushes. I haven’t purchased new ones in 10 years and I paid over $300 for the 4 I have. Eek. Now with 3 kids, that kind of money just isn’t in the budget for makeup brushes. 🙂

  • Lol…DeeDee your blog is one I read every morning. You have a real gift with writing. You manage to always make me laugh and you also manage to hit the nail on the head when it comes to the posts you write especially about being a mom. I feel just like yout his week with a cold and your right the kids are LOUDER when we have one. I like to think it is proof that God has a sense of humor lol.

    anyway hope you feel better!

  • Hope you feel better soon, DeeDee! Is it not amazing how much mucus one human body can produce? Disgusting, but amazing!

  • I’ll try to refrain from using the words mucus and tissue and well, I’ll just try to encourage you like a fine Christian lady should….

    Bless you! (pun intended ;o)

  • When (or maybe “if”) I ever manage to trample my fear of the “girly girl” I will keep your tip in mind. I wish I could be as funny as you when I’m that sick!

  • perfect timing for this tip – I am in need of new brushes. AND I have a bunch of nice paint brushes that I no longer use. So I am pulling them out, washing them and using them as my new fancy makeup brushes!