I love to shop online. Even though it involves the computer. I took a computer class in college in the early 80’s, before Al Gore invented the internet. And global warming. I lasted 2 weeks. I justified dropping out of the class by reasoning that this computer business was just a passing fad. It would never catch on.
And my 8-trak tapes will most certainly make a comeback.
It was only by the grace of God that I married a computer wizard. When he was just “my friend”, he spent countless hours helping me with my first computer. Keep in mind my eyes glaze over whenever someone starts talking about anything of a technical nature to me.
It’s a miracle we ever married, really.
Now, I throw words like “blogosphere”, “interface”, and “gigabytes” around with ease. Well, I don’t really know what a gigabyte is, but I still throw it around with confidence anyway.
Because I can.
Now I bank online, pay bills online, and even shop online. And I’ve come across some interesting items manufactured with children in mind, as I shop for my kids. For example, I came across this last night:
It’s an innocuous looking piece of weaponry that shoots marshmallows. Innocent enough. NOT. This is the most stupid idea that toy manufacturers have EVER come up with.
It’s not that I’m against toy weaponry. Per se. Well, I am, but that’s a whole other post. Now that I have a boy in my house, I’m happily veering away from All Things Barbie and am entering the world of fast cars, and toys that can take down older sisters.
But a gun that shoots marshmallows is never EVER going to darken my doorstep. I’ll tell you why. Way back when I was in college, I was hanging out with fraternity brothers, and sorority sisters. Pondering the meaning of life. And dodging computer science. One evening, we all found ourselves sitting on the shag carpet of a friend’s apartment, who had no furniture. Or food. Except for a bag of stale marshmallows. One of the larger frat boys started throwing the marshmallows at the girls. Because he was all mature like that. And goodness knows, we girls love a good marshmallow. He called my name across the room, and I turned just in time to take a marshmallow to the eye.
It may as well have been a baseball.
Over the next couple of days, my eye swelled up, and it felt like something was in it, even though I had washed it out. I could no longer drive, so my mother came and got me to take me to the eye doctor. The sugar coating on the marshmallow had scraped my cornea. And it was causing the layers of my eyeball to overlap. The top layer had to be scraped off. That’s correct, scraped off. And all the horror that entails. And then the eye could heal. I had to wear a patch for a week, and could stand no light, not even the TV. Not even to watch my beloved “Days of Our Lives.” I felt like a vampire. With an eyepatch. Most painful experience I’ve ever had. And I’ve birthed a 9 pound baby from non-birthing hips. So, I know pain. Just sayin’.
I know that frat boy, named KEVIN, felt bad about the whole thing. Because he went out of his way to avoid me over the next two years of college. Flowers would have been nice. Or chocolates.
My injury was called a recurrent corneal erosion. For me, it will forever be known as the “hideous marshmallow incident.” And it has indeed reoccurred at the most inopportune times during these last 25 years. Like my honeymoon.
For every one of these things that is sold, I hope there’s a mother hollering in the background “YOU COULD LOSE AN EYE WITH THAT THING.”
I still have a hard time drinking my hot cocoa with even the most miniature of marshmallows.
Toys that kill and maim have been around since I was growing up in the 60’s. Does anyone remember the “Knockers?” Two heavy glass type balls suspended from two connecting strings with a loop for your index finger. Children all over my school were beaning themselves in the head from that one. One kid even knocked himself out cold. Now there’s a legacy.
I heard recently that Easy Bake Ovens have been recalled. What is this world coming to?
What else should I be wary of as I surf the internet looking for the perfect gift for my offspring? And don’t tell me to avoid “Heelys.” Too late on that one.