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Not Enough Concealer In The Universe

Sunday morning I was putting on my makeup for church. Cailey stood beside me watching me intently in the mirror. “Mom? Why do you wear makeup?”

“So I don’t scare everyone in church and make small babies scream in horror.”

Okay, not out loud, but I thought it.

With a smile I say, “Because it’s something that mommies do to make themselves feel better. To brighten our complexions. Give us that youthful glow that you have.” Blah, blah, blah.

“To hide all the age spots, past pimple poppings, and deep wrinkles caused by all our children.”

Okay, that last part, again in my head only.

She looks at herself in the mirror. “I don’t like my freckles.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Those are sun kisses from God. Your mamma had freckles when she was a little girl. And your grandma did too!”

I don’t tell her that I didn’t like my freckles either. In fact, after a school mate threatened to hold me down so he could connect the dots, I spent a great deal of my day trying to scrub them off.

Cailey leans closer into the mirror. She points to a large freckle on the middle of her nose. A freckle that had not so auspicious beginnings as a wart a couple of years ago. “That’s the Queen Freckle,” she proclaimed brightly.


The day took it’s toll on me. And my make-up job. Sunday school proved to be particularly stressful with Jensen. And I may or may not have been in tears at some point. That afternoon, I was sitting down to a game of Princess checkers with Cailey. Wearing an ice pack on my head.

Fiddledaddy came in the door, and I turned to greet him. He looked aghast. “What happened to you?”

Innocently I replied, “What do you mean?” He should certainly be use to me wearing an ice pack on my head by now.

“You look like Alice Cooper?”

“Who is Alice Cooper?” Cailey quips.

I get up from the game, threatening Cailey’s life if she should rearrange the checker board. I go to the bathroom mirror, and sure enough, I looked like Alice Cooper. On a particularly bad day. My mascara had failed miserably, and was running half way down my face.

And the children evidently thought nothing of it.

Some mothers long for a housekeeper. I have my sights set on my own personal makeup artist.

But for now, my grocery list will include a new tube of waterproof mascara.

And a carton, or three, of Haagen-Daz German Chocolate ice cream.

17 Responses to Not Enough Concealer In The Universe

  • oh man alive… that reminds me of the time my dd asked, “Mom — why are you putting mud on your face?”

    ::sigh:: well — I think it improves a little… I guess…

  • I too wish for a makeup artist!!

  • i love the things that kids will point out, and the other things they won’t. Maybe, in a way, it’s like Nanny McPhee. maybe they loved you so much they couldn’t see the black river running down your face.

    Leave it to a husband.

  • Maybe they thought you were trying to start a new Goth style or something.

    The question is, did you look like that when you were leaving church or did it happen when you got home?

  • Chrissy, that is an excellent question. I think Fiddledaddy would have alerted me in the van on the way home.

    To have something like that happen in public would have been the capper on my otherwise delightful day. 🙂

  • I think Alice Cooper has a make-up artist.

    How sad is that?!?

  • Just the title alone was fabulous. 🙂

  • Last week my daughter observed that when I do my eye makeup I don’t look like the women on TV. Thanks sweetie.

    I told her the women on TV look like Mom when they don’t have professionals doing their face. Yes, I’m just a super model disguised as a SAHM.

  • I very seldom wear mascara for that very reason but the last time I did I found myself rubbing my eyes often and looked just like the raccoons that live around here when I got home.

  • Kids aren’t the only ones not to pipe up when makeup smudges. I’ve had co-workers keep silent about smudged-mascara-racoon-eyes because everyone is way too PC and they thought it may have been a new fashion trend, or that I was letting my goth side shine through.

  • my hubby wouldnt have even noticed.

  • Me too. I have a closet full of Mary Kay and no one to put it on my face except me. Sigh.

    I actually have an extra tube of mascara, but seeing as I am a Mary Kay rep and it is Cover Girl I’m thinking it shouldn’t outta be there. LOL

  • Ooh, you have to try “kiss me” mascara by blinc! I didn’t fully appreciate it until I moved to Mississippi in the summer, but it does NOT smudge. At all. It even resists crying, yet it’s not waterproof. It just takes a lot of water to wash it off.

  • I can relate similarly this past week and am oh so thankful for the waterproof mascara. I had an ever so hormonal pregnant moment and had a “spell”!

    After the spell, I decided to go into a store to look at baby bedding and it suddenly hit me that I may look like a mess…I found the nearest mirror and I was ok. Just a few streaks, but no black – so thankfully I did not look like Alice Cooper!

  • That’s precisely how I looked (and felt) at the end of any given day teaching high school seniors. And I may or may not have cried.

  • Move over on the ‘I’ve had enough with life’ bench and pass me a spoon – please?

  • Ice cream is the best cure-all for any situation, no doubt!