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Boogers Are Not A Good Source Of Protein

I’ve been trapped indoors with 3 sick children for going on 6 days now. My sense of humor has taken quite a hit. And my sanity is nowhere to be found.

Last week, Emme woke up complaining of a scratchy throat. We never know when to really believe that she is truly sick. Sometimes a scratchy throat is her feeble attempt to score a cup of crushed ice. Something her dentist has recommended she not eat. Since she dearly loves crushed ice, she has been known to play the sore throat card.

But I wasn’t playing.

“No, Emme you cannot have any ice.” She clutched her throat, gargled a pitiful moan, and fell to the floor. This scene was replayed a couple more times during the day, and each time Fiddledaddy walked past me with, “I hope you see yourself.”

What. Ever.

By days end, I came to the realization that she was really getting sick. And then Jensen had joined in on the action. He had physical evidence. His nose was running like an open faucet. Which became a exciting and fun game for him. The rules were something like, quick, stick your tongue out to slurp up the boogers and run like mad when Mommy chases you with the kleenex. Most rounds, he won. Honestly, I think all of his brain cells were running out of his nose as well.

But then, I was a notorious booger consumer in my youth. Or so I’ve been told.


By the next day, all three of them were hacking, coughing, and spewing snot all over the place. I placed us all in quarantine to end the suffering as soon as possible. Well, the suffering of those outside of our home. Socially, we have a very busy Thanksgiving week, and I’m squirting X-Clear into everyone to aid in the process of healing.

Fiddledaddy was not immune to the contamination. He came down with this plague on Friday. But he’s out of the mix since he had to work over the weekend. But he’s no trouble since he actually wipes his own nose.

The same cannot be said for the rest of the family. I’ve become nothing more than a human kleenex. Which makes no sense really. I mean, I go the extra mile to purchase the really good soft tissues. With added lotion. The anti-viral ones even. Those have to be softer than my grungy old t-shirt.

My favorite moment in this whole debacle happened Sunday morning. My alarm clock was a very dramatic Emme, waking me out of a wonderfully sound sleep with, “MOM! COME QUICK! CAILEY’S CHOKING.” Using the same tone she would use if she were saying, “MOM! CAILEY’S ON FIRE!.” I flew out of bed and down the hall in three bounds, fully prepared to perform the Heimlich Maneuver, a tracheotomy, or last rites. Whatever the situation called for. Cailey was fine. Just coughing up a lung. She has two.

Really, it’s a small miracle that I haven’t caught this thing. Yet. But I don’t look any better than the rest of them. I caught sight of myself in the mirror. Evidently, when quarantined, I forget how to use mascara, and haven’t seen a tube of lipstick in days. Also, my beloved Chi has sat unused, collecting dust, under the bathroom counter. In other words, I have witches hair.


The only thing that has saved me has been the children’s stash of Halloween candy that they’ve completely forgotten about. Out of sight. Out of mind. Sometimes their pea sized attention span works in my favor.

Mommys can’t get sick, it’s in the by-laws. If I go down, the whole ship sinks. So, I’m off to pop a few Vitamin Cs. Followed with a Hershys Kiss chaser.

Never underestimate the healing properties of chocolate, I always say.

28 Responses to Boogers Are Not A Good Source Of Protein

  • I can SO relate! I considered slinging a roll of toilet paper on a string, bandolier style, around myself in order to be fully armed instantly when all 4 of mine were at that stage. Might be hard to explain to the UPS delivery guy, but then who cares…..

  • and even if the mom does get sick, the whining and moping don’t gather as much sympathy from the onlookers.

  • Ohhhh…. we had this 2 weeks ago — with 5 kiddos… we are finally getting over it… I think.

    For crying out loud!!! It’s not even winter yet.

  • So sorry for all of you! Hoping everyone is well very, very soon!

  • Ooooo yeah – I hear ya! Suggestions… first start using paper towels in the bathroom instead of a cloth hand towel at the first sign of a cold in the house. They aren’t really gonna wash their hands well enough and then they are gonna swipe their snotty faces on the towel too… so just ditch it while y’all are sick – stick to paper products.

    Next – use those lovely plastic shopping bags we all have and tie them in handy places around the house for all those snotty tissues… saves about a bazillion steps to the trash can over and over again. Then just tie them up and toss them when they are full and replace.

    Hmmm – maybe you could bribe them with a single M&M for each time they let you wipe their nose… either let them have it right away or let them accumulate in a small cup to be enjoyed later in the day.

    Good luck – hope you can avoid the germs!

  • I hope you’re wearing a green t-shirt so nothing shows! Okay, that was uncalled for. Delete me! I was getting on to my 17 year old son yesterday for wiping his nose on his suit coat. At church! Where did I go wrong?

    In all seriousness I will be praying for your family, especially with such a busy week and all. I do hope you are able to enjoy your holiday DeeDee. Hugs!

  • That is the best post title ever. Do they have awards for that?

    Also, why is wiping the nose of a toddler such an objectionable offense to them?

    Hang in there.

  • I understand where you are coming from. Sickness has hit this house for six weeks now. Hopefully yours will pass very quickly.

  • OK. Now I have a problem.

    If boogers are not a good source of protein, where is my son going to get all that good muscle-building goodness? Because he “no like meat,” and I was trusting in the booger factor to get him through his fourth year.

  • Chase that chocolate down with something that will really kill germs…like Jim beam.

  • you’re right, mom’s can’t get sick. hope you stay well and the snot clears soon.

  • We’ve been fighting something at our house, too, for a few days. It makes me a little nervous because there’s been 2 reported and 1 unconfirmed case of whooping cough at the kids preschool.

    Great fun.

  • Oh, the last day at our house has been the opposite. I’m the one that’s been sick while everyone else has gone on with life as usual. My husband even stayed home from work today to take care of me and keep the kids from bouncing me to death.

  • I hear ya, sister. Who needs Whoville this holiday season, when you can live in Snotsville.

  • OMG! This was hilarious! I’m so proud of you for managing to hide the candy so well that they’ve forgotten about it! Part of our family just came down with a lovely strep/sinus infection mix. They are hereby banned from MY house!

  • You say your sense of humor has taken a hit but this was really funny! Sorry it’s been a rough week and I hope everyone feels better soon, though. But yeah, thanks for the laugh! 🙂

  • Oh man, thanks for the flashback (I think) memories of the 90s when I had sick little kids. It makes me appreciate the freedom I have now. Nowadays, when I’m out in public and realize I don’t have a tissue on me, I’m stunned, because every mom knows she has to carry masses of tissues. Being without one is the litmus test for having independent kids. I miss ’em, but I don’t miss their snot and cold breath.

  • So sorry you have all been sick. I am a Grandma who has kept snotty nosed grandchildren 9 of the last 14 days. They are sick and now I am sick and it does not get better. You just get older but the kiddies always seem to bring it home. I thought this a very funny post! I don’t think you have lost much of your sense of humor. Blessings!

  • What? I’m not the only one with a booger-slurping boy? Whew. I thought I was alone there for a minute…

    Only…mine is four instead of 2.

  • I’ve been the one sick in our house, but I found enough strength to drag myself to the computer, and I’m glad I did. This post was absolutely hilarious!! As a mom of six I’ve had my more than fair share of what you’ve got going on. I think I feel better already!

  • I was just thinking a few minutes ago that my girls have forgotten about their Halloween candy! All the good stuff is gone, of course, but there still are a few worth sneaking, and that makes it a little more fun.
    We’re doing the sick kid/snotty/coughy thing right now, too. Fun times, I tell ya. I’m hoping it will pass before Thursday!

  • Deedee, some fellow bloggers and I are working on a secret project and we would like to ask you a question. I can’t find a personal email for you so if you can would you please email me so I can fill you in?

  • Chocolate has healing powers. I believe…I believe! That’s why I eat it EVERY day 🙂 Hope it works for you too.


  • Hope it passes quickly! The worst is when the noses are still running and raw! Trying to catch someone long enough to put some vaseline on – impossible.

    But the real reason I had to comment….my girls LOVE ice. I too was concerned with little baby teeth chomping into rock hard ice .

    Enter The Hamilton Beach Snowman Ice Shaver (available from a favorite website that DELIVERS). We love it! I freeze water and all kinds of juice! I like the juice, the kids like the water! The stuff comes out as soft as silk and melts in your mouth!

    Go get one and let your little one eat all the ice her heart desires!!! Oooo, great Christmas present.

  • Chocolate cures everything. I am sure of it.

    I found Hershey’s Cheesecake Kisses–a tiny bit of heaven.

  • I am so sorry… hope everyone in your house is all better very soon.

    Germs have moved permanently into our house, I think. Various members of our family have been sick continually — at least one illness-stricken person has been present since August 28th. I’m thinking we need a whole-house Lysol fumigation or something.

  • One word. Airborne. You laugh? I haven’t had a cold since I discovered the stuff. Toss one tablet in a glass of juice at the first sign of that little tickle in the back of your throat. Wait a minute until it dissolves (trust me on this) and chug it. They’re not as nasty tasting as alka seltzer, really they’re quite tasty. I’ve found the generic just as good as the name brand, so save a couple bucks and go generic. You’ll thank me next time you feel that little tickle. I promise!

  • Once again you’ve made me laugh out loud and every single family member has stopped what they are doing to look in my direction with raised eyebrows. Now, if I just hold their attention long enough to make them pick up their dirty socks!