I have long held onto the belief that in order to homeschool my children, I need only stay one day smarter than they are. I am living up to my own expectations. My oldest child is in the 2nd grade.
So far, so good.
Friday night, after the kids had gone off to bed, Fiddledaddy and I cuddled up in his tiny office to watch a little TV on his computer monitor. We can visit whatever major station dot com and enjoy a program of our choosing, with limited commercial interruption. It was almost like a movie date. From what I can remember. Since the last movie we saw in the theatre was, I believe, “Titanic.”
Don’t cry for me Argentina.
Since we voluntarily gave up cable, and our favorite shows such as 24, Lost, and Jericho don’t begin until January, our television watching is greatly curtailed. So, for fun, we tuned into “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?” Because frankly, we were curious.
The show was actually better than I expected. And I’m a huge Jeff Foxworthy fan. I have actually peed while watching the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. And I was nowhere near a bathroom.
The first contestant was a college student who was very enthusiastic. The host boasted that he had exceptionally good SAT scores. I had high hopes for him. Those hopes were dashed, however, when he could not answer “What was the name of the first lady to the first President of the United States. The 5th Graders on the show hurriedly scribbled down their answer. I yelled at the screen, “MARTHA!” But, he remained silent. Shaking his head. Thinking hard.
Oh, for the love of all that is good and noble please say “MARTHA.” He could not. He opted for “help” from the 5th Graders. Miraculously, he left the show with $175,000. A nice haul for a college student. Who didn’t know the name of George Washington’s wife. I hope he found his way home all right.
The second contestant skipped up on stage. She was a bouncy little thing whose claim to fame was that her grandfather invented the mood ring. Which I of course proudly wore in the 70’s. Although, mine was always black.
It was either broken, or I was extremely moody.
My parents would go with door #2.
I wanted Miss Mood Ring to win the million bucks. I believed she had a fighting chance because I thought I heard Jeff Foxworthy say that she was an elementary school teacher.
Oh, she’s got it in the bag, I surmised.
The first question: “How many consonants are in the word V•O•W•E•L?” Smugly, I said to Fiddledaddy, “That is so easy, it’s 3. Give her a harder question, for crying out loud.”
Then, she did something amazing. Thinking out loud, she spelled vowel, “V•O•U•L”, and locked in her answer with confidence. “I’m going to go with 2.”
I thought Jeff Foxworthy was going to choke and drop like Marie last Monday night.
Well, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was afraid I would start throwing things at the computer screen. “This show is dead to me.” And with that I walked off in a huff. Confident in the fact that I was at least smarter than that last contestant.
And this is completely off the subject, but Fiddledaddy had an interesting observation regarding “Lost.” It seems that yet another cast member was recently arrested for driving under the influence. This is time it was one of my personal favorites, Daniel Dae Kim. “He’s gonna get killed off,” Fiddledaddy remarked. I gasped, “That’s right, every time someone gets arrested for drunk driving, they get the ax.” While thoughtfully twiddling his thumbs, Fiddledaddy conjectured, “I think they start drinking AFTER they get the bad news.”
Interesting. I hope he’s wrong. But, very interesting indeed.
I can’t wait until January.
I may as well stamp “LOSER” on my forehead. Just above the eyebrow pimple.