Because I don’t spend nearly enough time with children, I volunteered to be a Sparks (K-3rd Grade) leader for our church’s AWANA Club. Wednesday night was our first meeting.
Henceforth, from now on, AWANA, for me, will stand for:
AH WANT A NIGHTCAP AFTERWARDS
This was my first experience with AWANA. I envisioned sitting cross-legged on the floor in a neat circle with a small group of sweet-natured children, whose halos were all perfectly adjusted, casting a warm glow throughout the room. I would gently strum my guitar while leading a rousing rendition of Kumbaya. In key. This would be closely followed by the recitation of perfectly memorized scripture verses by each of the AWANA attendees. We would then all bow our heads in prayer, and every child would accept Jesus into their heart.
I was jolted back to reality when hit in the head with a flying foam brick.
It has been more than a year since I’ve taught Sunday School, but there is really no excuse for my naiveté. Other than the fact that in the past year I’ve lost an inordinate number of valuable brain cells due to sleep deprivation.
That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.
My first clue that I was in trouble Wednesday night, was when one of the moms dropping her young son (I’ll call him “Sam”) off called me over to the side. “He’s autistic,” she explained. I looked at her with wide eyes, I ain’t skeert. “Just tell me what to watch out for,” I said with all the confidence I could muster. She went on to list a myriad of possible scenarios. “He doesn’t like to get wet. If he gets water on his clothes, he will just take them off.” Okay, water games are now off the table. She continued with a few more cautions, “He may run into walls, doors, and even you.” Boundary issues. “He needs his personal space and if you go outside, he may make a run for it.” I looked down at my feet. Running shoes. Check. She then assured me that she would be in the building if I should need her. I let her know that she would hear me scream, but we would be fine. I turned from the door to see “Sam” wrestling with another boy. Oh Lord, help me.
There were 10 children in our group, with the promise of two more next week. And praise the good Lord, I have a wonderful co-leader named Janie, who has a sense of humor. The outdoor games were interesting. I had to be pried from the climate controlled comfort of the church building. About 40 children joined us outside. Where I began to sweat on cue. Our game director called for all the children to SCATTER. “Are you insane?” I said to him in disbelief. In my head. I turned to see my daughter, my nephew, and “Sam” all head for another zip code, with lightening fast speed. I ran after them, yelling for them to turn around and come back. I sound possessed when I yell. It’s a gift. This Scatter Then Regroup Game went a few more rounds. By games end I was completely hoarse. And all my hair was sticking to my head. Like a helmet.
By the grace of God we ended up with the same number of children we left with. I broke up more than a few testosterone generated skirmishes, but at evenings end the kids all had a great time and I’m pretty sure I lost a few pounds. And a couple of years.
The year promises to be an adventure. I’m sure that after a few more weeks, I won’t be so shell shocked. And I’ll regain my voice. And I’m really certain that my prayer life is going to be strengthened. Especially on Wednesdays.
And who knows, I may even be able to scrape together some fresh new blogging material that doesn’t involve my menses.
But that might just be too much to hope for. 
{ 26 comments }
ROFL! OK this is so hilarious to me because I AM that mom who handed over her autistic, ADHD, OCD, Tic Tic Tic-ing and every other alphabet letter disorder foster child over to the ever so sweet Sparks leader. I TOOwas in the building just in case things went ummm well….not EXactly as planned….
HAHHAH!! I just can’t quit laughing cause I am reliving my whole Awana experience with HIM. Ya know…Maybe I could just pre-warn you of all the events that unfolded since I’ve already been there and all….A heads up is always a nice thing! LOL
I’ll pray for you! Bwwwaahhhaa..
Trina
HA!!! You HAVE burnt off a few cells….I’m in the process of taking some MUCH needed time off from children’s ministry so I can recoup my loses. I still twitch when I walk toward the children’s wing.
Too funny! I remember loving Awanas when I was a kid.
AWANA is a wonderful program! We had it at our previous church. But next Wednesday night, two Tylenol and a few drinks full of caffeine may help!!!!
I, too, am the Sparks Director at our church. We had to split it up a few years ago because of all the kids. So, I have 1st and 2nd grade only. I have 33 kids so far. My biggest encourager…I am NOT the Cubbies Director. My kids can wipe themselves.
My friend for Christ!
“pinkmommy”
THAT”S funny! DeeDee – you crack me up! Now I have to go fix my mascara before I leave my office!
(heh heh)
I’ve been through Cubbies, I’ve been the music leader for Sparks. Believe it or not, GIVE ME JV!!!
This is my 8th year with them and I LOVE them; smelly feet, testosterone, drama, cracking voices, and all.
Now you can market this new weight loss program to everyone, make millions, retire to ………where ever, hire a maid, and a cook, and live happily ever after.
ROFL! I’m the director of our Awana Store, so I get *every* overly excited clubber at least once a month. And on those nights, I’m right there with you — I need that nightcap!
Been there =) Just enjoy the ride…. I’ve also BTDT with the “what the heck” AWANA games. We used to do a relay game on crazy hair night where the children would stick a comb in their hair, run the circle and then pass the comb to the next child for them to stick in their hair. Can you say lice head? YUUUUCCCKKKKK! I set the games director straight on that one. Have fun!
I’ve never experienced AWANA but our church is starting it next week. My daughter is 4 and will be able to participate and she’s excited. I’ll have to look out for those weird games and see if we can guide the leaders a bit
I would volunteer for AWANA’s but my husband doen’t want me drinking on a weekly basis.
Hil.ar.ious!!! I want to read the blog AFTER you’ve had the few drinks!
Love your acronym for AWANA! Too funny! We will be handing our kiddos off to spend two glorious hours with their respective AWANA leaders beginning Sunday afternoon. Your post reminded me to volunteer…uh, no, I mean pray for their leaders! So if I’m not volunteering does that mean I can’t have the nightcap?!
Oh, the trip down memory lane… I transferred from being a helper in the 5th & 6th grade boys’ class to being Sparks First Grade director when my oldest was just a wee little one. I had about fifteen kids, most of whom came to class hopped up on sugar. When things got too wild, I’d make them all stand up and just silently jump up and down until they started looking tired. Then class could resume. It was awesome. Also, if they were being too loud in the hall, I’d either make them walk with one hand on their mouth and one on top of their head, or both arms straight up in the air. The best part was that we had lots of game helpers, so during game time, I got to go hide out in the kitchen and sneak some Dr. Pepper and snacks with the other grown-ups. (Insert evil laugh here…)
This makes my pain seem much more bearable. Last year I became director of our church’s children’s choir. And got 2 officially diagnosed ADHD children, one that is not on medication and his parents are no help at all.
God bless you and hang in there!
all these years and finally someone tells me what awana stands for…LOL
I have also been in children’s ministry. Now that I homeschool, I serve in a women’ ministry. Nice balance. :O)
It’s time for a break for me in that dept. ;O)
Okay, I can’t stop laughing. Probably because I am a former Sparks leader myself. Notice I said “former.” I love your new-and-oh-so-true version of the Awana acronym… I know exactly what you mean.
After a few weeks of trying to be a nice Awana leader, I finally just accepted my role as the “mean red team leader.” Yes, those children thought I was mean, because I made them stand still when they were supposed to stand still and because I actually expected them to work on their verses during “verse time.” How could I be so cruel?
I taught at our homeschool co-op and a mom came to me just before class to inform me her son was autistic. You got lucky with your little Awana Bandito, woman! Wanna know what I had to look forward to?? This mom said with a straight face about my new student, “He likes to burp. a lot. Oh, and fart. a lot. And he makes this loud inhaling sound with his lips. Never bring up ____ brand of computers because he will start ranting and raving. Oh, and he likes to talk about violent things, but so far he has not hurt anyone.” Okay, that last one scared me a little… but I lived to tell about it!
I tell ya, my heart and prayers go out to the women who have autistic kids. They are great kids, but such a challenge.
So funny…God Bless you!
you. are. a. saint.
That is all.
Please treat yourself to a sleeve of Oreos after AWANA. You’ll deserve the sweetness of it all. Evil not included. Seriously.
Stinkin’ hilarious! I feel your pain! We start next week and although I should be excited to see all those little cherub faces, sadly to say…..I’m not. Is that horrible? I just don’t know if I can handle one more 2nd grader mocking me while I talk to them about Jonah and the whale thats gonna eat them up…umm I mean the whale that swallowed Jonah….Just kidding!! I really love them but your idea of a nightcap sounds wonderful….I wonder if Nyquil would work??? LOL
I spent a year interred with the Honeybees. Getting them to singing time was like herding fish. Whoever decided to put the singing room and the Honeybees’ room on opposite sides of the church must have had a special place in his heart for tormenting leaders.
We considered it a good thing when we got there and still had them all. What was that about our line? The talking? Pshaw. WE DIDN’T LOSE ANYONE! That was the standard. (We never did, by the way. So we lived up to our standards.)
I had to pass this along to my AWANA volunteer friends…I am sure they can relate!
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