The Post, A Day Late And A Dollar Short

Usually I sit down at my computer at night, after the children are fast asleep, and I write a post. But not last night. Just before we put the children out of our misery to bed, I took 2 Tylenol PMs. Two. Because I had cramps that would kill any mortal man. By the time the children were all tucked in, the Tylenol PM started to work their magic, and I could no longer find my computer. Much less put two coherent thoughts together. Not that that is a prerequisite to my post writing. So, much like a homing pigeon, my inner compass found it’s way to my comfy bed, I crawled in, and was blissfully asleep by 8:00.

This morning I had a little bit of a Tylenol PM hangover. And cramps. And bad hair. I tell you all of this only because it will set the tone of what will follow.

This week, Emme has been involved in another VBS. We made this decision because we felt like the girls needed a little time away from each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that rot. And it does. For awhile. Jensen missed his older sister terribly as evidenced when he carried her pajamas around all morning, along with his usual “Ruff” the dog, and his own favorite big blue blanket, and little blue blanket. It was an armful. Cailey talked nonstop about how she missed her sister.

Great, it’s working, I thought to myself each day.

And then, when the two girls caught sight of each other again, they embraced in a warm hug, set to the tune of “I Love You Truly.” And they would hold hands all the way out to the car.

I wipe away a tear.

But once inside the car, all bets would be off, each day. And the bickering would begin. “MOM, she touched me. She looked at me. She made a funny face. She’s humming. She’s thinking about touching me.”

Can’t we all just get along? Once again, if my Dad is reading this, you can bet he’s chuckling. Revenge, like a fine wine, improves with age.

This morning was the culmination of the weeks events. The families were all to attend the closing VBS ceremony. And so, the mommy, daddy, Cailey, and Jensen all arrived to cheer Emme, who was seated with her class among the hundreds of other children.

Now remember, I have cramps, a Tylenol PM hangover, and really bad hair. The MC on stage asks for a volunteer from the audience. All 300 children raise their collective hands. Then the MC says, “I need a volunteer who can jump rope.” Only 10 of the 300 children put their hands down. “And that volunteer must have a parent present who can also jump rope!”

Oh dear God, no.

Only another 3 children put their hand down. Now he has approximately 287 children to chose from. He zeros in on my Emme. She jumps up. The MC asks her, “do you want to bring your mom or your dad up here?”

This is where I closed my eyes and started praying, and in the span of 10 seconds, it went something like this:

“Oh please God, no. Tell her to pick her daddy. I have cramps, you know. And I’m still a little dizzy. And I’m wearing white pants. Please God. I’ll do anything you ask. I’ll become a nun. Oh, that’s right. I’m no longer Catholic. I’ll become a missionary. Yeah. I’ll go wherever. Africa. Even though you know I don’t do well in the heat. Just please God, tell her to pick her daddy. He’s a better jump roper, I’m certain of it. Oh, please, oh please……..”

“My DADDY!!!”

“Thank you Lord. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

So, never one to shy away from making a spectacle of himself in public, (and you thought he was the serious one)  Fiddledaddy trudged up onstage and was forced to don flippers, a mask and snorkel, and a big ugly Cat In The Hat type headwear. All while jumping rope.

And wouldn’t you know it, we just ran out of tape on our video camera, and didn’t bring it.

Well, the whole thing was hysterical. From my perspective, of course. But, when Jensen realized that his daddy was up onstage and no longer sitting near him, he began with The Screaming. Now, this was a rather loud affair, but Jensen’s screaming caused nearly everyone to turn to see why someone was torturing this small boy trapped in his stroller.

So, when daddy exited the stage, I exited the event and took Jensen out to the playground. In the rain. Which did wonders for my hair.

To make a long story short excruciating, we all survived.

So, tonight I’m coming to you with the events of my day.  And now I must begin packing, just in case the good Lord sends me on a mission trip.  A promise is a promise.  I only pray that they sell Tylenol PM in Siberia.  Or wherever.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!!!!