The phone rang yesterday morning. Before 7 a.m. Whenever the phone rings before 7 in the morning, or after 10 at night, I’m certain that some disaster has befallen someone I love. So, I just mentally prepare for it as I answer the phone. And keep in mind that no caffeine had passed my lips at this point in my day.
“Hello?”
Caller: Obviously puzzled, “Hello?”
“Hello?”
Caller: (In a rather brusque business like voice), “Is this the Department of Corrections?”
“Well, at times, yes, but today? No. So far, so good.”
A moment of brusque silence.
Then she laughed. All manner of brusqueness brushed aside.
Caller: “I think I have the wrong number.”
The line goes dead.
You have to wonder what’s going on with someone to compel them to place a phone call to the Department of Corrections. Before 7 in the morning. Is the Department of Corrections even open that early? Or is it a 24 hour service?
I have a theory. This was a mom who was up to her armpits with a child who refused to obey. She has figured out a clever way to deter the behavior. Threaten to call the Department of Corrections if the child doesn’t straighten up and fly right. You have to know your child’s “currency.” To quote a Dr. Phil-ism. I’m by no means a Dr. Phil fan. But I think his idea of finding your child’s “currency” is right on target. By currency, I mean that thing that you can use as leverage when correcting a child’s behavior.
I think a well timed call to the “Department of Corrections” is brilliant. Especially if the kid has ever watched “Cops.” Sing with me, “Bad boy, bad boy. Watcha gonna do when they come for you“. Personally, I have threatened to call “Mr. Rogers” before.
When Emme was quite small, just the threat of “time out” was enough to keep her in line. Cailey’s currency is tightly wrapped up in her beloved Polly Pockets. Her “fairies” as she calls them.
And Jensen? Since he’s only 2, we haven’t really zeroed in on his currency. But I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve the restriction of vegetables. I kind of think it will involve objects with wheels. But then again, he’s been known to turn a bowl of cereal into a car. So the jury is still out.
We made the choice not to spank, before the children were born. A choice my children force me to rethink every single day. Kidding. Sort of. It’s a very personal decision, and I know parent’s opinions vary widely. And with very good arguments on both sides. The important thing is the follow through. When we threaten, we must be willing to back it up and carry it through. Thankfully, I’ve never had to really call Mr. Rogers. That could prove problematic. Since he’s dead, and all. And no, my children are not privy to that information. And we’ll just keep it that way.
Matthew 5:36-38
And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
Lisa Whelchel wrote a wonderful book called “Creative Correction” in which she talks about different ways to achieve desired behavior by using methods best suited to your child. I would like to open the floor and hear from you all.
Is there something creative that has worked well in achieving discipline for your family?
{ 38 comments }
Junk food seems to be our currency. The idea of missing snacks or dessert on dessert night usually works to straighten up my younguns. They hate to be placed in the time-out corner, too.
Does duck tape count? JUST KIDDING =)
Well when they were real little we told them the garbage man was going to take their bottles away (they did not like that, because being boys they could not imagine a cool truck like that taking something they loved). Then when they were a bit older we acutally handed our bottles to the garbage man =)
Of course two hours later they wanted them back =)
I am a weird Mom like that. Now that I have a teen, I threaten “no talking to your girlfriend for a day; or no computer for a day…” fun stuff like that.
I have found as they grow older “currency” changes until one day it ACTUALLY is currency that works. Ok done babbling, carry on.
My son is only 23 months, so I haven’t been able to get that creative yet, and haven’t needed to as spanking (or the warning that a spanking is imminent) works so well with my extremely strong-willed boy. But, I am looking forward to a time when he has a “currency” and can be motivated by it, even though a spanking will be on the table as an option for some years to come.
I always enjoy your writing DeeDee – thanks for sharing your adventures with us!
We are supposed to be creative with this parenting gig??? Aaawwwww man!! I missed that day in class.
Usually I am the psycho mom in the car 3 1/2 hours into a 4 hour trip to the grandparents saying, “If you do that again. I am going to turn this car around and drive home!!” Amazingly they haven’t figured out yet that a) I am still afraid of my mommy and that would really not sit well with her and b) I don’t want to spend another 3 1/2 hours going the other direction. But it buys me 15 minutes of peace, so we go with that sometimes.
And while I don’t know if this qualifies as creative–but it surely is not common. I threaten to skip driving to the boys’ dance class. Yup…dance class.
Mine are 12 and 13. When they were younger, and the noise in the car was too much to handle anymore I would pay them 50 cents for every 20 minutes they were BOTH quiet. An hour cost me 3 bucks, and was worth it.
Now, they’re older ad get allowance. Sooooo, we changed it up abit.
If they get out of control, they pay us a buck every time time talk within a 20 minute period. Time starts over every time someone pays up.
Yes, we get silence. Their allowance is freedom to them, and so they are very willing to hush.
And yes, we paid them 50 cents, they pay us a dollar.
Inflation sucks.
That is so funny, I have 2 kids aged nearly 3 and nearly 5. We recently moved to Belgium from South Africa and as we no longer have family around to baby-sit we have the kids all the time. As you can imagine they can drive you crazy. I think due to the big changes sleeping time became a huge thing with my kids and would turn into a nightmare (for me) every night. The one night at my wits end a police car came down the road audible from a mile away, and inspiration struck. I told them if they did not stop their screaming and go to sleep the people who live up stairs from us were going to call the police. Boy did they go quiet instantly. Only I think I have harmed my poor son for life cause every time the police drive past our house with their sirens on he thinks they are going to fetch me cause I can’t keep him quiet.
Consistency—-Good luck with that one! But it works. No matter what discipline you choose as long as you’re consistent even if it appears it’s not working. This website has been awesome http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com and the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp.
toooo funny! the currency that works in our house is threatening early bedtimes if they are acting like babies b/c babies don’t get to stay up as long as big kids, losing privileges like the bedtime story, no dessert or treats, etc. In our house the promise of treats (or bribes) doesn’t usually work too well….not sure why. We can’t spank though, even when we want to b/c our kids are foster kids. Anyways, I thoroughly enjoyed your post! Have a great day!
Love this cute post! By cute I mean that it made me smile, not that it wasn’t chocked full of useful information!
You are right about the currency. Like you, I’m no great fan of Dr. Phil, but I am a HUGE fan of Lisa Whelchel. I got Creative Correction a couple of years ago, and I frequently refer to it for fresh ideas. One that has worked really well for me is the Job Jar/Correction Can. We spank, too (not often, but when the need arises) and I can tell you that he children fear the jar as much as they do a spanking…maybe more!
Like your theory about calling the Corrections Dept, I once, with phone in hand, threatened to call the store we bought the Moose from to see if they accept returns. Fearing it would traumatize him if I kept that one on the playlist, I haven’t done it since…but you’re right about Lisa Whelchel’s book. Great ideas with Scriptural support.
I LOVE the book Creative Correction. I still use the “Correction Can” method with my nephew. Only now it contains things more on his physical ability level, (he’s 11) like scrubbing the floor, wiping baseboards, clean the toilet. Things he absolutely HATES. But, on the upset, my house stays pretty clean.
I also have Bible verses to copy, or copying a page from the dictionary/encyclopedia. There is a “Mercy” in there as well. 
I failed miserably in this area (discipline) but praise be to God, His mercy endured and my kids are alive and well today…adults, believers in varying stages of sanctification, making good and bad decisions, but I trust God with them and will not decide how they really turned out till they’re 50!
Goober currently has one day left of her ban from anything used to write with. Last week I cleaned her room and found her lovely artwork…everywhere it’s not supposed to be. Lemme tell ya, girlfriend, I saw red! She lost the privilege of all things write-able for one week. No crayons, no markers, no pens and no pencils. Now for this little artsy-fartsty, loves to write girly it’s a fate worse than death.
Beanie, if you want her stop, just make her be alone. That is her fate worse than death.
It’s hard though, because as they age, their currency changes.
I would love to pick your brain on 7year olds. Ugh. She’s making me absolutely crazy….errr…crazier. LOL
Loved this post — especially the phone call! Without my morning caffene I would have never thought of that reply.
Have a great weekend!
When the twins were younger if I put them in time out from each other they hated it, which was odd because just a moment ago they were beating each other simple. The next strike was to put their favorite toy in time out. THAT got them!!
With the younger brother – unplugg him from video games. I guess taking their favorite thing away until they behave better worked for us.
You crack me up! I love the post.
As far as discipline goes…say what you mean and mean what you say…
Don’t say no if you don’t have to (I heard that on Focus on the Family years ago)…there are enough occasions when we have to say no. So, if you don’t have to, DON’T. I say yes to some silly things…sometimes my honey gives me a look like, “What are you thinking?!?” But, there are plenty of times when it has to be no…and then it really is NO.
My years of teaching prior to motherhood really drove home the fact that parents all too often (myself included at times) say one thing and don’t expect obedience…We don’t do our kids any favors when we say, stop that or else…stop that or else…stop that or else…you get the picture. Then, years later when their teacher says, “Stop talking or you will get detention.” They don’t stop talking, they get detention and they say, “Huh? Why did I get detention?!?!”
God’s Word…let your yes be yes and your no be no. His Word is life…it is all we need.
Our current currency is…currency! My #2 has been working on being short tempered and rude to her sisters. So every time she talks to them in “that” tone, she owes them a quarter. If I have to get involved, she owes me a quarter as well. Her anger tends to intensify, so then the payment/punishment increases. One day I made $5 in about 5 minutes! A free frap for me!
LOL – When I was growing up, I remember DISTINCTLY Santa Claus’ phone number written above our phone, ready to be called at any moment. Back then, that was the worst thing possible.
Now, for Jake, it’s taking away his Leapster toy. He loves that thing. And Emma, well, since she’s only 2 she hasn’t developed a vice yet…
I had my oldest son’s currency down pat…until he turned 7! Then he turned into a brain-dead, gangily boy! Now I’m on a warpath to find his new currency. Jesus take the wheel on this one!!!
What is it with 7 year olds?!?!?
You mean throwing them down in the basement with a lunchbox, closing the door, and saying “See ya at dinnertime!” doesn’t count as discipline? Huh.
Well, we get a little creative around here because we also choose not to spank. Very much. (Kidding-ish) With The Boy, he has some behaviors and tendencies that are on the autism spectrum, close to Asperger’s but not quite enough to be classified fully with Asperger’s. For him, it’s simple: Trains=Life. Send his friend Thomas packing and he will be putty in your hands. (I can’t even describe how distraught he was by the Thomas recall.)
Baby Girl will be 1 tomorrow, so she is not old enough for the “real” discipline. More like distraction or removal of objects for her.
And Older Girl is quite a case. Taking dessert/snacks away has no effect on her. Plus, I’m not a huge fan of using food as a punishment or a reward. Food is food – I don’t want to engender any weird food issues, like the ones I have. (Good, patient Mommy=Trip to Dairy Queen. Bad idea all around. My waist, that is.) So we usually just take away privileges one by one. Things like TV (because she watches very little of it to start with), or special things like Pool Night with Dad (which is also a punishment for me, BTW) etc . . . Plus, we let her know, in no uncertain terms, what behavior is unacceptable (mostly the fresh mouth/backtalk is what lands her in the doghouse)
Otherwise, we are just blundering along the best we can.
Oh, and I am SO RELIEVED to see that other fine women are having trouble with their 7 year olds, as well. I thought it was just my daughter who had been replaced by a pod person. Whew! Thanks, Gals
I love your posts! They always make me smile. In fact, I put you as my favorite funny blog in the contest here:
http://pinksandbluesgirls.wordpress.com/2007/06/22/summer-bling-contest-giveaway/
Go join too!
Your blog is very funny! I am glad I found it. I have a almost 4 year old and a 2 year old.
We have a 3 year old and are still trying to figure things out. We are pretty consistent so i guess that’s good. Three’s are worse than the two’s were…argh. We do spank but for deliberate disobedience. We use time out when she is hysterically upset as spanking would only make it worse. I think she’s learning but it seems never ending. A friend told me that if you are super consistent for the first 3-4 years it will pay off…so I have my eyes set on that prize.
Thanks for the encouragement and humor!
Here is an American Proverb for you.
“It is better to be the one calling the Dept of Corrections than for the Dept of Corrections to be calling you.”
Sometime ago I got a message on my answering machine from a probation officer asking for a Stephanie ________ to call back. I ignored the message since it was a wrong number. A few days later we got another message. I ignored that one too. A couple days later I got another call from another probation officer asking for Stephanie ________. I figured maybe I should call them back and let them know they had the wrong number. But they had not dialed the wrong number. She had given them our number! I told the person that no Stephanie lived here and furthermore we had had this phone number for almost thirty years and no Stephanie had EVER lived here. The man could hardly believe that we had had the same number for that long! Turns out this woman had missed her check in date with her probation officer. I thought we were done with “Stephanie”.
We started getting recorded calls from a company everyday asking us to “call this number for an important business matter”. Extremely annoying because there was never a live person on the other end. I refused to call the number. One day I looked up the company on the internet and found out it was for people in financial trouble. It dawned on me that this was connected to “Stephanie”.
I even got a call on my cell phone for Stephanie saying she had won some kind of prize. Riiighht! (And how they got my cell number that only my family and closest friends have been given, I’ll never know.) I told them I wasn’t Stephanie and I wasn’t interested. They must not have believed me. I got a text message a day or so later. I messaged back that I wasn’t interested.
Thankfully, the calls have finally stopped… I think.
My youngest’s, sixteen year old, currency is “getting to leave the house” to do whatever. Assigned chores must be done first. Oh, and if he doesn’t pick up his dog’s poop, clean the glass doors that she continuously snots up, etc. I threaten to call the lady in charge of the dog rescue assn from whom he adopted the dog (for $200) and tell her we are giving the dog back!
Haven’t read Lisa’s book as my kids are pretty much beyond that, but I’m not sure I agree with using chores as punishment if that is what is being recommended. I think that sends the wrong message or at least a mixed message about the responsibility for taking care of a home, and work in general.
A couple months ago there was a great story of one of the morning shows about four sisters who all ended up being CEO’s of different companies. They had a Jobs Jar — weekly chores were written on separate pieces of folded up paper. They drew the pieces out and that was their job. They could trade jobs, even two for one, but whatever was decided on had to be completed. Taught them that you finish what you start and negotiation skills.
That’s my two cents worth.
Love your response to the phone call. I wouldn’t have thought of that even with something in my stomach. Very funny post.
This is a REALLY funny post! I’m so calling Thomas tomorrow, and if it’s a really bad day for my 2 yo, I’m going to have Thomas put Barney on a three way call!
computer time…works for all 3 kids!
My child is only a year old so I’m limited here, but I stayed over with a friend once whose parents used to lock her out of the house when she was bad (at age 6 or 7)! Seriously! They locked us out for doing something one evening…yes, evening, as in not long before dark. I left my stuff at their house and walked to my grandmothers (she lived about a mile away!) Needless to say, I didn’t go back there! (Except with my Grandmother who marched up to their door and demanded my things..lol) Their daughter was still outside, they didn’t even know I was missing! Can you even imagine???
Oh wait…I have one more….In my SS class I used to tell them I was going to tell the Pastor on them if they didn’t behave…one kid told me he didn’t care, the Pastor wasn’t his boss! I told him that God was the Pastor’s boss and the Pastor might tell God on him. THAT got his attention. (I repented immediately afterward!)
Alrighty, so we also decided not to spank. Then we ended up spanking when my oldest was about 3. Nothing seemed to work.
We decided right away that hands, spoons, belts, and the like were not for spanking. Only a paddle will do. A paddle that was intended for spanking, and spanking alone.
After all, hands are for loving. Spoons are for cooking. Belts hold up your pants, etc, etc, etc.
Anyway. The older they get (oldest now
the less I need to spank. It pays to discipline early–no matter what the method–so as not to have them run all over you when they get older.
Blessings to you all!
You are quick thinking that early in the morning BEFORE your caffeine? Wow.
And I feel strangely encouraged that so many commenters are having trouble with their seven year olds. I’ve been wondering what is going on with mine.
We also made the choice not to spank, before we adopted our son.
Time outs and redirection have always worked well for us. At times, when he throws a 2 year old tantrum, we walk him into his room, sit him on his bed, and tell him he needs some quite time in his room and to let us know when he’s ready to come out and be pleasant. It doesn’t take him long to knock on his door (he can’t open it yet) and ask to come out, but sometimes he actually falls asleep because he’s tired and crabby.
I would love this information too! We have 3 children ages 5, 4, & 3 (Yes, I know) who are almost like raising triplets. The fighting, the yelling, the screaming, the whinning- all Xs 3! Individually they are each just little angels, but put them together, which is most all day everyday, and watch out the house may not last this stage/age of our children, LOL. I’d like to say the our children are knowledgable of the word of Jesus Christ, but they are not- that is on me, but I’m guessing had they started at an early age some of these issues would be much different! Any advice is always welcome.
Funny stuff!
My son is only one, so I am not qualified to offer any parenting advice. Particularly since I haven’t figured out how in the WORLD to squash his month-long tendency to squeal/scream whenever things don’t go his way. It’s so irksome! I’m just ignoring it, but it’s not working.
My favorite example of motivational parenting was something my Uncle Gary once did. He worked at the North Slope for weeks at a time and when her returned home he was informed by my Aunt Nancy that his son and daughter, both teens had been bickering the entire time.
So he warned them that the next time they squabbled they would be sitting on the sofa holding hands for a predetermined amount of time. And the next time it happened, he followed through. It was the very last time, too.
Interesting list of books, I’ll have to look into them-LOL!
0:) Amber
My baby turns 2 on July 4th and I’m shuttering at the thought that I’m having to start disciplining (more, I mean). I’m tired from my first…can’t she just play along and do the right thing???? :0
I’m a spanker. Both my kids are grown with college degrees, active in Christian music, well rounded so it apparently didn’t damage them, and I believe kept me from being damaged. However, I used to charge them 25 cents for every pair of dirty socks or underwear I had to turn right side out for the laundry. After coughing up their own money, they learned to follow the rules. And I got some pocket change for whatever.
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