Voices
June 1st, 2007 by FiddledeedeeI instructed my children this morning to speak to me with their whisper voices. Because anything louder than a whisper could cause my head to explode. Surely someone was repeatedly stabbing me in the side of the cranium with an ice pick. It felt like a hangover must feel. I’ve only had maybe one or two hangovers in my life, but I think that’s what I remember they felt like. Not that I’m bragging. The only reason I didn’t have more hangovers was that I would throw up long before the alcohol had a chance to permeate my delicate system. Like the time I drank tequila shooters after eating only a pomegranate for my evening meal. A girl can really weed out who her true friends are by who will hold her hair during a moment like that. I couldn’t go near tequila for years. Or pomegranates, for that matter.
The first voice of the day belonged to Cailey. The time was 12:40 AM “Mom?” I lift up the edge of my zorro mask to peak out at her freckled face, standing over me. “Mom, I’m awake,” she offered in her best stage whisper. At least she wasn’t screaming. I herd her back to her bedroom, tuck her in, and start to leave the room. “Mom, what about my prayers?” Sigh. It’s kind of hard to be angry when you’re praying over someone. I go back to her and place my weary hand on her chest. “Please Jesus help Cailey sleep in Jesus name amen.” I stumble back to bed.
After what seemed like an eternity, I drift off to sleep. The next voice is the sound of my boy. No words. Just bitter crying. As if willing me to his bedside by the sheer power of his voice. Do you see what happens when I begin to brag about him sleeping through the night? Wordlessly, I enter his room, scoop him up, change his diaper, and rock him. Since he is nearly as big as me at this point, he has a hard time getting comfortable. Exasperated, he just points to his crib and I deposit him inside. I hear, “Bye, Mama,” as I leave.
“Glad to be of service.”
I’m sure that now you see where I’m coming from.
My day was then spent trying to filter out most of the noise around here. But a few things slipped through. Mostly because I couldn’t put down my coffee mug long enough to stuff my fingers in my ears.
8:00 AM “MOM, you should see what’s in the toilet!”
9:00 AM “Who put sausage in Daddy’s shoes?”
9:30 AM “Why does the blender smell like it’s on fire?”
9:35 AM (reason #5006 why I love Fiddledaddy) “Honey, I’m going to head to Wal•Mart to get you a new blender so you can make your coffee drink.”
10:00 AM “MOM! She’s got her finger up her nose!”
10:30 AM “Um, honey, what’s going on with your hair? You look like Rosanne Rosannadanna?”
11:00 AM “MOM! Jensen is sitting on Cailey’s neck and she can’t breathe!!!!”
1:00 PM “Is that yogurt on the ceiling?”
3:00 PM “MOM!!! She touched me!”
4:30 PM “Carrabbas takeaway service, may I help you?”
5:30 PM “What’s therapy?”
5:31 PM “You’ll see.”
8:00 PM (as I was rocking Jensen, but he spotted his Daddy peeking in the door) “Bye mama!”
8:30 PM “Mom, you’re the best back scratcher in the whole universe.”
8:35 PM “I love you more than sunshine.”
8:36 PM “Mommy, I love you more than Zoe.”
Sweet music to my very tired ears.
Have a very wonderful and restful weekend everyone!
Posted in My Life as I See It | 21 Comments »
June 1st, 2007 at 1:24 am
I loved the – 4:30 PM “Carrabbas takeaway service, may I help you?” – line! hahaha! That sounds like my “I’ve had a rough day, there’s no way I’m cooking, I’m buying takeout!” line once or twice a week! hahaha! Too funny. See, it’s a global phenomenon! Even us down here in deepest darkest Africa do that.
June 1st, 2007 at 2:26 am
Thanks for the chuckle :0)
Trina
June 1st, 2007 at 4:30 am
Your kids are old enough to know who Rosanne Rosannadanna is? *wink*
June 1st, 2007 at 4:42 am
Beth,
No, they’ve never even heard of SNL. That came out of Fiddledaddy’s mouth, just before he dodged the frying pan.
June 1st, 2007 at 5:07 am
Oh I do hope you are feeling better. This whole post was too much fun. I think I love your family. Well, maybe not Fiddledaddy with the Rosanne Rosanadanna comment.
Glad to hear of another mama that wields a tool belt with the best of them by the way. Have a great weekend.
June 1st, 2007 at 6:47 am
Calgon take me away…but then again the last picture of your bathtub had tons of barbie dolls all around, so I guess you would not be alone =))
Have a great weakend friend.
June 1st, 2007 at 8:51 am
bless your heart….i hate days like that….my kids have no idea what a whisper is….their idea of an inside voice is a dull roar…
June 1st, 2007 at 9:12 am
Why did your post remind me to take my medication….err vitamins? LOL
Do you suppose you might tell FiddleDaddy my blender is broken as well and I can’t make any coffee drinks. Thanks.
June 1st, 2007 at 9:35 am
Okay…Rosanne Rosannadanna is what my hair looks like on a good day, so I resemble that remark!! AAAaack!
Didn’t you hear my particular favorites? “Mom why is your face all twisted up like that??” “Mom are you gonna be okay?”
Which is usually when I respond, “Don’t you want to play some electronic, brain-rot entertainment for awhile.” Bad me!!
June 1st, 2007 at 10:29 am
“What’s therapy?”! Heehee.
You crack me up. I seriously always come here when I need to laugh. Thank you for sharing your stories. This one was awesome.
June 1st, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Aw, I hope tonight goes better for you. I was up rocking Logan multiple times between 2:30 and 5:00. Clearly his 1-year shots didn’t agree with him.
Love the therapy line. And Fiddledaddy gets the prize for saving the day with a blender.
June 1st, 2007 at 2:49 pm
What a sweet guy! They do eventually get smart, because its not sweetness, its really just a way for them to have as much peace as possible. But smart is good, we get what we need!
The kids always stop sleeping through the night when you mention it. Always.
June 1st, 2007 at 3:30 pm
It’s so hard not to laugh at your “yogurt on the ceiling” troubles…but I guess that’s cuz I’m in the same boat.
June 1st, 2007 at 5:58 pm
LOL! Loved the Carabba’s line. I’m so with you on that one!
June 1st, 2007 at 6:16 pm
What a fun post! Great idea. See- you are Super Writer! I’m going to have to jot down what I hear around here during a day jus t for my own amusement. It would make a great scrapbook page! You’ve inspired me.
June 1st, 2007 at 6:43 pm
Oh, holy moly, give a depends warning next time! LOVED EVERY WORD!
My teenagers are looking at my strangely as tears stream down my face and I’m choking with laughter falling off my fainting couch! I haven’t laughed this hard since I read my dear friend’s blog about her boybarians and the princess. (She has 5 boys, 1 girl and cares for two other boys.) OK, I can almost breathe again. Thanks for the laughs!
(And yes, when they are teenagers, sometimes even dynamite doesn’t work getting them out of bed!
)
June 2nd, 2007 at 8:41 am
Well, Miss DeeDee, I hope your Saturday and Sunday are super. We are finally through with graduation and Michael Martin Murphy…didn’t get to bed until after 1, but it was a wonderful day.
Hope you head is much better now.
June 2nd, 2007 at 10:56 am
Oh my goodness! I can certainly relate to the yogurt on the ceiling! Once when I was tucking the boys in bed I saw spots on the ceiling. I thought our roof was leaking after the new roof job. But, no, it was *rotten grapes* from when the boys laid in their beds with slingshots and grapes!
June 2nd, 2007 at 11:09 am
I sure hope you get much needed rest this weekend.
June 3rd, 2007 at 8:19 pm
I hope you get rest..I love your mommy stories
June 3rd, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Thanks for the laugh. I enjoyed my visit to your blog. I will be back.
Julie