If you read my post last week, you know that Fiddledaddy placed an order on Drugstore.com. To benefit from the “purchases over $25 receive free shipping” deal, he found himself just shy of the mark. Therefore, he also ordered me a bag of Newman’s Own Organic Chocolate Cream Filled Cookies. Because he loves me. And I was menstrual.
While grateful, because I think Chocolate Cream Filled Cookies are the world’s most perfect food, I reminded him that I am trying to lose weight. He told me just to pace myself and only eat one or two a day satisfy my chocolate cravings, and to reward myself for dealing with my children another day without the benefit of prescribed narcotics.
Sounded reasonable to me. After the first six cookies, I placed the bag in a gallon freezer ziploc, and hid it behind the frozen carrots and peas. Out of sight out of mind. A few hours later I nearly broke a tooth on two or seven more now-frozen cookies. Before I knew it, the bag was half eaten. And the cookies had been in my care only 24 hours. So I marched into Fiddledaddy’s office and placed the bag on the top of one of his bookshelves, and told him to dispose of the remainder of the cookies. I didn’t care how or where. I didn’t want to know. And then I left the house with the children.
Later that night, Fiddledaddy was out of town working, and “Lost” was on. I always get really nervous and hungry whenever “Lost” is on and I didn’t want to chew my cuticles. I’m sure you know where this is going. So, I peered into Fiddledaddy’s office, fully prepared to tear the room apart or if need be, go dumpster diving again (and you know I would), and looked up at the top of the bookcase. There they were. Taunting me. He forgot to 86 the O’s. I grabbed the bag and raced back to the television.
By the end of day 2, I was down to 4 cookies. Which in a gesture of desperation the next day, I gave to my two girls for a treat. Their eyes shone with excitement and gratitude, as they asked me with chocolate covered teeth, “Is this all you have, Mom?”
“That’s all there is,” I replied, feeling very relieved.
And after they left the table, I quickly looked for leftover crumbs. While I didn’t actually lick the table, I did wet my finger and pick up the last of the tiny morsels. Whereupon, they were immediately consumed. Saving me the trouble of wiping the table clean.
I’m fairly certain that if I were stranded at sea, and willpower were a life preserver, I would sink like a stone.
Exhibit “A”
{ 19 comments }
Step away from the cookies, step away from the cookies…
I have been having that problem with everything that my husband makes here. Bagels smothered in cream cheese, french toast with butter AND syrup, sausage, hamburgers. It is really hard to hold it together.
Just try to get past it and keep up the good work with the diet.Tell him that the only chocolate he can order from drugstore.com is Exlax.
Have you had the mint ones? They taste like thin mints.
Luckily the newman-o’s are not as bad for you as regular oreos because of the kind of sugar they use.
If it makes you feel any better I think ransacking your husband’s office is better than digging blue icing out of the trash.
I am so sorry to hear you were placed too near a torture chamber. I applaud you trying to free yourself from jumping into the fryer again and again. However, Sweet treats are always a constant lure for menstrual women….
Peanut Butter filled Oreos do it to me. But I would NEVER give them to my husband and ask him to dispose of them. I would simply eat them all over the course of 4 days (sometimes while hiding behind the kitchen island), acknowledge that was insane, and not buy them again for 9 months. Or 6 months.
Me bad. I had a piece of lemon creme pie for breakfast today. Actually, can I blame it on my daughter who didn’t tell me NO when I asked for it? No? Fine. I take all the blame.
Now I am waiting for my other daughter to get home from school and I will test her with a piece of chocolate cake! If she brings it to me I will eat it and know she doesn’t care about me at all, but she will be my favorite child for the moment. And if she says no and reminds me that I need to lose weight I will thank her for helping me and then I will trip her with my crutch when she least expects it!
I don’t usually struggle with sweets (please don’t hate me!), but for some reason today I can’t think about anything but! I feel your pain! Ooooh, right now I am thinking about the mint Oreos. Gotta go and wipe the drool of my laptop! Hang in there!
P.S. How did it go at church this weekend? Did you go or stay home, if you don’t mind me asking?
I’ve never tried them, sounds yummy!!
That is above and beyond anything willpower can do. If you wouldn’t have eaten them someone would have to and it may be your children and husband….think of the misery you saved them. You did a service to your family by getting rid of the unhealthy food..
This is exactly why I cannot keep cookie dough in the freezer. They never make it to the oven… nor to any other family member. They do however make it to my ever ballooning belly.
If I’m not mistaken, that’s what I got several months ago and THEY.WERE.SOOO.GOOD! Organic stuff is expensive and that’s why I haven’t got anymore. BUT, I may just have to sneak in the store and get some now that you reminded me!
When I was reading paragraph 3, I was about to get upset knowing you had your hubby dispose of them because you coulda sent them to me! But then, I kept reading and you actually went back and got them.
Now, the Girl Scout cookies…..the chocolate mint ones……I really don’t even need to talk about……….I get a box and finish it off in a couple of hours!
You had to eat them, and you should have eaten all of them because they were taunting you. You can’t tolate that because then the chips will start in next. You have to set an example with your snack foods.
LOL I’m right there with you, I can’t stop eating sweets! And yesterday my dh found my half stash of Hershy bar and ATE it! He said he’d replace it, but he didn’t, and now I might have to bite him. I’m sure if he’d thought hard enough he’d have realized that yesterday was obviously the start of PMS and not the time to mess with the chocolate.
Aren’t those healthy cookies? I’d have consumed the entire bag with no worries. Besides since FiddleDaddy bought them as a gift they are calorie-free, fat-free, right? But just in case, next time, smash the bag. Break the cookies into a gazillion pieces…crumbs really. Then have at it. After all, you’re “only eating crumbs.” :^)
I have been known to scarf a sleeve of oreos in about 6.4 seconds, and I married a (thin!) man who was raised with the idea of “breakfast dessert” – which is anything leftover from the night before. (Obviously, he did not grow up in my house where there was no such thing as leftover dessert.)
Can you see how I am continually crushed by the boulder that I am doomed to continue rolling up the diet hill? I am like a dieting Sisyphus!
I’ve never liked that Newman. He’s trouble I’m tellin’ ya.
Actually, I think it is just a lack of genetic planning that God did not foresee the fact that men, and not women, are the ones that can absolutely KNOW that there is a bag of Newman’s O’s on the top of a bookshelf directly behind them and NOT even glance at them. For days if need be.
In fact, only a woman would go in and sneak them out, and only a man would never even realize they were gone. Ticks. Me. Off.
Pace yourself. Yeah, RIGHT! What is he thinking??
Ya know, I’ve often wondered if the Devil had tempted Jesus with all the modern day foods we have now, what would have happened? (I know I’m weird.) Do you realize all the stuff he never tasted? Chocolate in all its glorious variations…cookies…ICE CREAM!…lemon meringue pie…potato chips…Fritos…Cheetos…
And if he had been a woman, I don’t know where we’d be now. I’m just sayin.
Those look like something I want to try, not that I need them
ROFL! Not at you…at all the comments. Especially Antiqe Mommy’s. Hilarious. I have to admit my weakness is Chocolate Creme Oreos. Which ONLY come in double-stuff. Ouch.
My midwife is really bugging me to get more protein in, but I have to admit I’m only good about it on the day or two before each appointment. Bad mommy!
Your message was hilarious, as were all of the comments. So many clever women out in blogland with such wit. Makes me embarrassed to have anyone visit mine!
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