A Good Deal Gone Bad
April 12th, 2007 by FiddledeedeeMy morning routine began, well, routinely. I stepped into the shower to wash the sleep away, and to shave only the parts of my legs that would actually show. I could do this with my eyes closed. And I often do.
Because I am obsessive/compulsive a creature of habit, I began at the ankle of my left leg. Suddenly, the stench of vomit filled my nostrils. My eyes flew open. I started gagging, as is the immediate reflex whenever I think puking has occurred near me. Or is eminent. Quickly, I did a scan of the shower stall for evidence that a crime had been committed and not cleaned up. The state of the stall is frightening, but nothing to warrant the smell of vomit. And then it hit me. It’s my brand new can of shave gel. Who would package a shave gel that smells like vomit? I examined the can, while holding a wet cloth to my nose. “Fruity Berry.” That sounds innocuous enough. But that fruity pink exterior contains the very unmistakable odor of vomit. Vomit. Vomit. Vomit.
And then I suddenly remembered.
I purchased this particular can of shave gel from the clearance shelf of Wal•Mart. For the low low price of just one dollar. “Such a deal,” I exclaimed to myself as I chucked two dollars worth into my cart. I would have gotten more, but that’s all they had. Now, I’m quite sure that some pimply faced stockperson was viewing me on the surveillance cam chuckling to himself, “sucker.”
I’m also equally sure that the chap who created this particular fragrance for a shower gel is killing time in the unemployment line. And I suspect that he was offered a case of his own vomit scented shave gel as a parting gift. Which he refused. It was then offered for sale to the unsuspecting and trusting public. And that’s where I stumbled in.
Anyone who knows me will understand that I am too cheap thrifty to chuck it in the trash. And I will continue to use it until the can is sputtering and completely void of it’s contents. Whereupon I will open the bathroom cabinet and pull out the other offensive can. And repeat the entire procedure from start to finish. I’m tenacious like that.
I can’t say that I’m becoming accustomed to the vomitous stench every time I shave my legs. Which if you care, is EVERY DAY. I sometimes heave like a dog by the time I progress to my right knee. But on the bright side, my showers are considerably more brief. I may even notice a reduction in my water bill next month.
And then it will almost be worth the savings.
Posted in My Life as I See It | 23 Comments »
April 12th, 2007 at 4:46 am
OMgoodness! We must have hit similar sales…mine was at Walgreens! LOL I found what I thought was an EXCELLENT deal on skin cream…marked down to $1 a bottle so I grabbed four. But, when it wouldn’t soak in, left me slimy several hours later, and my skin started to break out wherever I used it, I thought “hmmm…” But, ya know what? STILL USIN’ IT! LOL Just couldn’t throw it out! *wink*
April 12th, 2007 at 4:50 am
lol, you are absolutely hilarious and just such a welcome addition to my everyday readings…. thank you, what a true blessing and gift you are to others
April 12th, 2007 at 5:24 am
It’s TWO BUCKS! Can’t you pawn it off on some unsuspecting friend?? I just could NOT intentionally smell vomit as my “wake up call” every day. Let’s just say, if I made myself use it up, I’d be using a WHOLE lot more than necessary, just to use it up quickly!
Oh, and conditioner makes a great “shave gel!”
April 12th, 2007 at 8:02 am
Frankly, the fact that you shave every day — even if only the visible parts — shocks me so much more than the fact that you refuse to throw away puke gel.
April 12th, 2007 at 8:05 am
I am so laughing … and impressed that you shave EVERY day! Gotta get my game on. I think I grossed out my younger fairly-newly-married sister (who has no children) in the Goodwill dressing room when she saw I don’t always shave every square inch of my legs. Well, that and the post-baby belly. She told me she is already asking for the gift of a personal trainer (forget diapers, blankets, etc) when she has a baby b/c she is determined to get back in shape. Yeah, yeah. I hear ya. Didn’t we all think the same thing? Then life happens. And we shave with vomit. Heh, heh!
April 12th, 2007 at 8:20 am
Could you sneak it in to your husband’s shaving cream/gel?
Just the thought of it is making me hurl right now~very weak stomach have I.
I am one of the lucky ones that can go all winter without shaving and when it’s time to dress up I only have to get out a pair of tweezers, pluck three times and I’m good to go!
April 12th, 2007 at 8:28 am
Can’t. Stop. Laughing.
If I snorted, this would be the time.
Too funny!!!!
April 12th, 2007 at 8:33 am
Oh my goodness, this is hilarious. And your “thriftiness” reminds me of my husband who brought home sushi leftovers a few nights ago and forgot to stick them in the fridge. Instead of chucking them, like anyone else would have done, the next day he simply COOKED it up and ate it for lunch. He wouldn’t have considered wasting “good food”!
And the amount of toothpaste he can get out of an empty tube? Amazing!
He would be SO disapproving if I threw out a full bottle of shaving cream–even if it smelled like vomit and cost a dollar.
Good luck, DeeDee!
April 12th, 2007 at 8:48 am
Gross!
I hate shaving. Therefore, I use Veet foam. It is quick, easy and lasts for 3-4 weeks!
April 12th, 2007 at 9:13 am
I’m a bit cheap myself…and I’d throw it away. I don’t do vomit well. At. All.
Barf.
Great now I smell it here. Hey did you know you can get a vomit flavored Jelly Belly? Yup. That is one I’m thinking I’ll not be trying.
April 12th, 2007 at 9:56 am
I’ve ALWAYS thought that fresh papaya smelled like vomit. Haven’t ever been able to eat it. Apparently the shaving cream people thought this scent smelled like papaya, too.
April 12th, 2007 at 10:02 am
You go girl with your everyday shaving. That’s impressive.
And I think I’d have to cut my losses with the vomit cream.
April 12th, 2007 at 10:57 am
Although I totally get the shaving everyday thing (I do it too), let me recommend something to you that is thrifty and smells way better. But first toss those cans. They’re so not worth it…
Are they gone?
You know I meant BOTH! Toss them both!
Okay, now go buy some 88 cents Suave lavender conditioner and use it as shaving lotion. It works wonders and it smells so much better than vomit. Because really, what’s the point of shaving the parts of your legs for all to see only to have them puke on you from sympathetic vomiting? Just think of what you’ll be saving in laundry, not to mention friends.
April 12th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
You shower and shave EVERY morning? Wow. I’m totally impressed with you. Again.
April 12th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
DeeDee…Think “White Elephant” gift with the other can…just make sure you DON’T give it to someone who reads your blog…oh, wait…that doesn’t leave anyone…oh, nevermind!!
April 12th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Ewwww…
I thought I was thrifty, but I guess not. No way would those cans last past that first fatal whiff…
April 12th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
I thought I was the only one in America who thought that shaving cream smelled like vomit! I threw mine away though. That is so funny! I felt bad wasting it, but it made me sick to shave my legs.
Jenn4him
April 12th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Yuck. You don’t deserve that every morning (or afternoon or evening or late at night…ever).
The best shaving cream around is Coochy, made by Pure Romance. Perfect shave, very nice scent. Also works as hair conditioner. Just as hair conditioner works as shave cream. Don’t deprove yourself of a small pleasure like not smelling vmoit while you shower. It’s just not right.
April 12th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Good golly, let it GO!!! We’ll all send you the $2! LOL
I’m a tightwad, and I’d let it go. My dh would throw it out if I wouldn’t, he’s not cheap. He even encourages me to buy the expensive Venus razors because they WORK, he cares more about my smooth legs than several extra dollars.
I’m sure your hubby cares more about your sensitive smell/gag reflex than $2.
But I have to admit, it makes great blog fodder!
April 12th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
As tight as I am right now, I’d chuck that in the trash. Eek!
I used to rinse my hair in diluted apple cider vinegar, it’s a fabulous conditioner but the smell would leave me heaving in the shower. Throwing up my breakfast wasn’t worth the glossy, silky hair- even if it did look like a Pantene commercial.
April 13th, 2007 at 11:56 am
I must be the queen of returns. I would have so taken that shaving cream back and told them exactly what it smelled like! Thank you for another laugh though. I can certainly relate. I would have had a hard time holdin’ myself together with that smell too!
April 13th, 2007 at 10:02 pm
Oh my goodness, I am hysterical, that is just too funny! (and so like me:-)
April 17th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
Ack! ewwwwww! I’d have to throw it away. If I didn’t, I KNOW my husband would!