If you’ve been following my blog, you know that I’m one of those weirdos obsessive types that gets up at dark thirty every other weekend to do my big grocery shopping trip. All by my lonesome. Yesterday, my resolve was once again strengthened to continue with this little ritual.
I’m due for my big trip to Wal•Mart this weekend, but I wanted to hit Publix to take advantage of some of their 2 for 1 specials to which I would add coupons on top of those savings. I thought I’d go early in the afternoon, and bring my entourage. For sport.
Jensen was trapped strapped into the stroller, which I was driving, while Emme manned the grocery cart. To her driving credit, only two endcap displays and one elderly patron were compromised. The grocery store was particularly crowded with geriatric shoppers. Cailey flitted about close by.
We made it to the middle of the noodles aisle when Jensen let loose with The Screaming. For no apparent reason. Nothing was being pinched, he wasn’t hungry, it wasn’t time for a nap. Frankly, I was surprised that it didn’t begin in the dairy aisle. Usually The Screaming commences when we enter through the automatic doors. Jensen doesn’t care for shopping.
Well, we were drawing a crowd, let me tell you. Some older patrons were turning their hearing aides off, while other sweet grandmotherly types thought they would stand in front of Jensen and “try to reason with him.” He only got louder. And I didn’t think that was possible. “ARE YOU INSANE? STEP AWAY FROM THE STROLLER. YOU’RE MAKING IT MUCH WORSE,” I shouted. In my mind. I would never say such a thing out loud. But my thought life?
2 Corinthians 10:5
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Let’s just agree that my thought life needs a little work.
Anyhoo. I picked up the pace, trying to get to the end of the list as soon as possible. People were beginning to come by the throngs to see who could possibly be torturing this little boy enough to make him scream that way. I noticed Emme lagging behind a little. I turned to see her stricken face as she said, “Mom, let’s go. This is so embarrassing.” I turned my attention back to the screaming Jensen and hollered loud enough for him to hear, “Dude, you now have the ability to humiliate your sister in public. You have no idea how much you are going to enjoy this!” All the while, Cailey continued prancing and twirling beside us.
I had told the girls that if they were extra good, they would get a cookie when we got to the bakery aisle. Publix has this wonderful policy of giving free cookies to particularly good children while shopping.
It is my long held opinion that it is the MOTHERS who deserve the cookie.
We finally arrived, but unfortunately, there was a long line at the cookie counter. Well, they all heard us coming and parted like the Red Sea. Without a word, the bakery personnel handed me three chocolate chip cookies. I gave the girls’ theirs, and I handed one to Jensen. Saints be praised. Silence. I raised my hands signaling a touchdown, and received modest applause. A few of the ladies nodded with knowing smiles saying, “We’ve all been there.” While I kept repeating, “It’s only a season, it’s only a season,” to myself.
The cookie induced quiet only got us through the frozen vegetables where The Screaming picked up where it left off. But that was the last aisle, and we soon found ourselves in line to check out. I apologized to everyone around us for The Screaming. I handed the clerk my coupons, and she felt the need to PULL EVERY ITEM FROM THE BAG TO MAKE SURE IT MATCHED. I’m not kidding. Again, my thought life went to the dark place. Satisfied, she handed me the receipt and we headed out the door. As soon as we cleared the auto-door The Screaming ceased.
It seems my son is an outdoorsy kind of guy. Doesn’t care for the confines of a concrete building all that much. I stashed all of the freezer items in the waiting cold bag, and we set off for the park. Where I could unleash Jensen into wide open spaces and let him terrorize nature. With the wind in his hair, and a huge smile on his lips, he ran free.
My dreams of my son becoming a doctor or an attorney are all but shattered. I have a feeling that he will lean more toward an occupation that can be accomplished outside. Like football player. Or cowboy.
And again, I’d like to offer my apologies to all of those Publix consumers who still hear a ringing in their ears. But I managed to purchase about $60.00 worth of goods for approximately $20.00. I’m just sayin’.