I didn’t intend to become a “24” addict. Just like I didn’t intend to eat that column of Oreos a couple of weeks ago. But when you place a leaf of lettuce in front of a hungry rabbit. Mayhem ensues. I told my husband, as he was watching the premier of Season 3, that I had no intention of getting hooked on another mindless TV show. “I’ll be out here in the family room. Alone. Staring at the walls.” At five minutes before 9PM, I wandered back into the bedroom thinking I was safe. “24” was near conclusion, or so I thought. It was a two hour premier. After five excruciatingly tense minutes, I was hooked.
At some point during that season, I wanted to catch up on all that I missed. So, while watching Season 3 on Monday nights, I also watched Seasons 1 and 2 concurrently on TBN. I walked around scared of my own shadow, all season. With a permanent look of bewilderment on my face.
And so, “24” fans, Season 6 will begin in 10 days. In two night installments, January 14th and 15th. Two hours each night. I expect many computers will be silent on those nights. I know mine will. I’m certain Shannon at Rocks In My Dryer will be nose to television on those two nights as well. As this post that she wrote will attest.
In honor of the upcoming premier, I wanted to post something that came across my e-mail. It was brilliantly written by Neil Boortz. Without further ramblings adieu, I bring you:
Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it’s beef.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Let’s get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Osama bin Laden’s recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn’t a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
When Jack Bauer pees into the wind, the wind changes direction.
Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with “< Jack Bauer”.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the heck have you done with your life?
Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
What color is Jack Bauer’s blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
Guns don’t kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.
Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
{ 31 comments }
I haven’t seen the show, but I know I would love it~someday when I have no plans for two weeks straight I’ll rent them! These are funny! You need to check out http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com! They are hilarious!
Thank you for your prayers and encouragment! We are all doing much better today knowing that this is God’s will. He’s been faithful to us all along. It’s just tough, ya know?
Thanks again, Amy
I LOVE this! My husband and I are huge 24 fans-one of the only shows we watch regularly. I was cracking up at these, and I am emailing them to my husband now. 10 days and counting . . .
Hubs was a fan first and reeled me in. We’re counting down till Jack’s return, too!
Loved it! Counting down the days ’til it starts! We have all the previous seasons on DVD- but watch on TV also! Kids will be in bed early on the 14th and 15th- gotta have priorities!!
Oh. My. GOSH. This is so funny. We haven’t watched it, but we have Season on on DVD. Do we just jump in, or do we need to start at the beginning? I’m SO prone to getting “hooked” on series, I’ve been holding it at arm’s length, but this post may have convinced me to start watching it…
That is without a doubt THE funniest thing I have ever read.
I think we’re going to Tivo the new series and wait to watch it until we’re caught up.
And you know what? He SHOULD use both bullets to kill Nina because she is EVIL, I TELL YOU, EVIL!
I’ve been addicted since I was pregnant with A. and watched the 1st season in a DVD marathon in the hopes that it would put me into labor. It didn’t do THAT – but it got me hooked. Season 4 is the best. Not that I’ve, like, ranked the seasons in my head or anything. Because that would just be, um, weird. (clearing throat)
that was hilarious. i can’t wait till the next 24. at the same time i know i’ll be too wired to sleep everytime i watch it.
LOL, these are great. 10 days!! Yay. Pastormac and I are huge fans. In fact, he was just asking me when 24 begins. I’m sending him here to read this list.
Big fan here too. We got so wrapped up in it that we rented all the DVD’s and literally got so hooked we found ourselves not getting to bed until 2 am some nights. I have never been addicted to a show like this one before but it totally reels you in.
Loved the post and can so relate.
The anticipation is too much! I LOVE this list!
O M G!!!!!!
I love this! I need to send this to my DH–who has been on Jack Alert for the last 2 days, since it FINALLY showed up on our ToVo record guide. CAN’T WAIT!
LOL! I had read some of these, but not all. Love the last one especially.
We began watching in Season 3 and got hooked, then watched DVDs of 1 and 2.
Something else that’s fun to do: Dave Barry writes a live blog during 24, and my son will have his laptop in the living room and read what Dave Barry said during the commercials. It’s hilarious. You do have to be careful with Dave Barry, though.
I don’t watch 24 simply because it is so stressful I want to throw up by the end of the show. However, this was hysterical!!
Here from Shannon’s
BooMama- season 4 is the BEST!
I am DYING. That list was hilarious! I have to send my husband over here to read this, he’ll get a kick out of it.
Okay. I have to admit that I don’t get the “24″ hysteria. I rented and watched the first season, but all I noticed is that they were on the d**n cell phone ALL 24 HOURS. I totally assume that his company is picking up that tab.
If someone will please tell me that the cell phones get flushed/destroyed/left behind/run out of juice and things actually happen when there is no phones, then maybe, just MAYBE, I might commit to watching season’s 2-6.
Otherwise, I’m totally sticking with my one show, Heroes.
No!! NO! Had it with Jack. This gal is waitin’ for LOST!! Now that’s some must see TV.
Hi my name is Tony. (Group “HI TONY!”) And I’m a 24 addict.
Actually my whole family is addicted to 24. We never watched it until a friend mentioned how good it is and gave us the first season on DVD.
After 2 days of sitting in front of the TV we finally finished the whole 1st season. Now we are hooked.
By the way. Your post was very funny. Laughed till I thought I’d pee.
Take Care — Tony
ROTFLOL! We *love* 24 here… I have to print this out for my husband!
~Heather
ROTFL!! Very funny. I can’t WAIT for 24 on Sunday. I gave the first season DVD’s out to family this year for Xmas. My FIL is getting season 2 in a couple weeks for his bday.
My hubs just walked up to me as I was reading this list and said I’ve got one.
If Jack Bauer was a house wife it would be called 24/7!!!
(Har, har)
Gayle
OH MY!!! This is Hee-larious!
Really?? What am I missing? I got bored with season three and quit watching… Hmmm.
Oh those are funny! I read every one and chuckled a great deal. Makes me want to watch the show now.
I read all the way to the bottom – GREAT! The one about McGyver was LOL worthy, nice job!
Now don’t forget, ya’ll. I didn’t write this. The credit goes to Neil Boortz. I’m just adept at copying and pasting. I did have to edit a little bit though. So I wouldn’t owe the cuss jar any of my hard earned money.
Or compromise my “family friendly” status.
BTW, 6 more days. I’m all aflutter with anticipation.
There aren’t words to describe how much I love 24. When we see previous actors from the show on other shows/movies, Chris and I shriek out their names–There’s David Palmer! There’s Nina Myers! There’s Aaron from the Secret Service! like we’ve just seen our best friends.
We love it dearly:)
Hey! Do you mind if I “copy” Basic Truths About Jack Bauer for my blog? I will put a link to your also- Just want to make sure it’s ok!! Thanks!
this is absolutely hilarious! can’t wait for the new season to start!
I am crying because I’m laughing so hard reading this. I absolutely LOVE 24 and can’t wait for the new season. Thanks for posting this!
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