This morning my husband says, “What’s that glob on your shirt?” I look down. “That would be Butt Paste.” This is an actual diaper rash product that I love. But not on me.
Changing my son’s diaper is a full out war of wills. With me usually on the losing end. As it were. The battlefield is the changing table, that he no longer fits, giant baby that he is. Strategically though, it’s the best place to manhandle maneuver him. He has a rotisserie chicken move that is unrivaled by the few pro-wrestlers that I’ve seen when I’ve accidentally landed on the pro-wrestling network while searching for Home and Garden TV. This morning he managed a headstand during the diaper change, thusly getting the before mentioned Butt Paste on his foot, and then transferring it to my chest with a well placed scissor kick.
I emerged sweaty, disheveled and apparently wearing Butt Paste on my pjs. But I was victorious. He’s wearing a clean diaper. And it’s facing the right way.
I’m on my way to make a large breakfast now. And I’m not talking Pop Tarts. I need a lot of protein and massive amounts of caffeine. If I’m going to be ready for Round 2.
{ 10 comments }
You make me laugh. You write so much of what I am going through, but say it so much better than I could.
I love the Butt Paste too!
Oh, we love Butt Paste around here!
And THERE is a sentence I never dreamed I’d say…
I can picture the whole thing! Funny! After several kids, I realized that even if they had the moves, I had the advantage of their bare bottom, neatly exposed, to which I could apply a swift motivation to lie still. For me, diaper changes became the beginning of their training, and they learned quickly because I was right there when it happened and the consequences were immediate (not so easy with other stuff).
Oh – this is so beautifully written. Like when I watch my teenaged son wrestling, and the guy behind me in the stands says, “You got just as much of a workout as he did,” because I’m throwing imaginery punches in the air to help him… I felt as if I was wrestling a giant baby right along with you – you are so descriptive. I was making sympathy maneuvers!!
Yes I have heard this stuff is wonderful. It came out (of course) right after all my kids were out of diapers, sigh…had to do things the old fashioned way. heheheh…
The reason I found this so funny is that I can SO TOTALLY relate! Been there! Baby’s sure can twist when they want to, can’t they?
At least it was just the hiney creme that got you and not something more sinister!
Janean,
You’re so right. I forgot to mention that during the struggle, his diaper fell off the end of the changing table, but landed poop side up. Disaster averted.
And I will further confess that there are tiny little poopy splatters still on the nursery wall from child #1. She’s now 7. This will give you an indication of how clean I keep my house.
That is hysterical! I know it’s not at the time, I have an 11 month old who HATES being changed. Thanks for sharing your butt paste story- I hear that’s a great product.
So funny, especially on this particular day. Just this morning my 11-week-old nephew “christened” me in the age-old scenario where auntie fails to get diaper on baby boy fast enough and is suddenly watching a fountain sparkle in the sunlight!!! Maybe I shouldn’t mention the fact that the diaper I was changing at the time had been fresh a mere 5 minutes prior…my nieces and nephews have a preference of filling sparkly-clean diapers almost immediately. Sigh. I wonder how my sister keeps her sanity…and that goes for anybody fighting in the Great Diaper Wars!!!
Thanks for such a cute (and relevant!) post!
Becky
You are too funny
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